Saturday, April 13, 2013

Adoption, Here We Go!

Thanks for visiting our Adoption Blog. We can't wait to become parents, and after much thought and consideration, have decided that adoption is the right way for us to start our family! This blog is our home base to share our story and keep our friends, family, and supporters updated along the way. We know this process will be challenging and uncertain at times, but ultimately joyful. We hope that by sharing our story, we can be a source of encouragement as others have lovingly supported and encouraged us. We can't wait for the day that we write our final post about how all of you helped us grow our family!

From Adrienne:

I have always been open to the idea of adoption, even when I was younger, not married and not ready for a family. I always thought it would be a nice way to add to a family and give wonderful opportunities to a child who might not otherwise have them. I never thought it might be my only way to have a family. Who knows, maybe my body and my hormones will straighten themselves out in the future, but for now, we are ready to move on. 

Will and I have been struggling with trying to get pregnant actively for over a year, and technically forever. We have never avoided getting pregnant, so now, almost 7 years into our marriage, clearly, we have been unsuccessful. It has been almost a year exactly since we got some of the best and some of the worst news we could get all in the same week. I got a positive pregnancy test at the end of May 2012, and by the first week of June I had lost the baby as a result of an ectopic pregnancy. It sucked, totally sucked, not only was I losing this baby I had barely had time to process was there, but I had to actively take medicine to end the pregnancy so that my life was not in danger. I know miscarriages are rather common, but it was definitely dramatic for me. 

You grow up thinking that if you do the right things, make the right choices, that you will reap the rewards. I feel like I have done that, made responsible choices and am actively choosing to start my family at a time in my life that I am ready and able to provide. I have come to learn through all of this, that I am not in control of whether or not I am able to get pregnant. But through adoption, I feel like I have a little more control in becoming a parent. I am excited and anxious to see where this decision takes us, and I know that Will is the best partner, husband, and hopeful father to have through all of this. There is a quote that says, “We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.” The potential in that statement is profound and exciting. I know we are ready to be parents, and just like all hopeful parents, are just waiting for the day that we get to meet our little boy or girl.

From Will: 

If you know me well, and you probably do if you're here for our first post (I'm pretty sure strangers aren't anxiously googling "Did Will Pfaffenberger start an adoption blog today?") then you probably know that I am a less-than-serious, ok, outright, ridiculously goofy silly person.  I live my life laughing at everything along the way - the absurd, the awkward, the sacred, and the obscene!  Yes, I react to most things with humor, and certainly everything in life has a laugh it in somewhere for me.  AND, because I do this in very public forums - on the radio and on stage - Adrienne who is genuinely sincere, sweet, polite, quiet, thoughtful, generous and always doing the kind and appropriate thing for all occasions, will often be asked, "What's it like living with Will?  How do you do it?"  

She's awesome, that's how!  (That's true, but she could probably write an entire separate blog with the real answers to "How I deal with Will:  Coping Mechanisms For Your Absurd Husband.")  But here's MY real answer:  she and I are a lot more alike than you know. 

We are pragmatic planners.  Yes, I confess.  All of my outward spontaneity and silliness is, what I believe to be, a luxury afforded me by my drive to have a plan, set goals, and feel confident and comforted when I work toward those things, achieve them, check them off my list, and know that what I have built is there to support me and my family.  Adrienne and I have built a life together on setting and meeting our professional, personal, and relationship goals.  We somehow grew up learning how to objectively deconstruct, analyze, and evaluate all this life stuff - maybe to a very nerdy fault.  People sometimes ask if we ever have fights, and we do, but to you they'd look more like contract negotiations or debates supported with thesis statements, rational arguments, data points, and a compromised resolution (It's actually not that nerdy, but you get it.).  We make a great team in this way and our mentality to thoroughly investigate every major decision we've ever made has worked very well for us.  Together, we have put many of the pieces in place that we have always dreamed of having as adults.  

Ok, I've read 3ish paragraphs - talk about babies!  While we have never prevented the possibility of having children, we always wanted to be in what we believed was the most optimal life circumstance to be the best parents possible.  We are now confidently in a place where we are ready to be great parents!  That's the cool part.  Unfortunately, our very pragmatic plan to allow biology to take its natural course - certainly it would after 7 years of marriage, right? - did not play out the way we expected it to.  And not even some intervention from this medicine-science did the trick.  This obstacle, however, has not diminished our resolve to be great parents and start a family.  Adrienne and I are very excited to begin this adventure of adoption, and we feel very lucky and blessed to have all of you here to help us along the way!           



  1. Congrats! It is an amazing gift you can give a child is a happy loving home. My husband having been trying for 6 years, so I know it can be long lonely road. Thoughts, prayers, and positive energy to you through this next leg of your journey to expand your family!!

    Kristin (Smiley) Zajdel
    (I used to dance with Adrienne and graduated from Avon)

  2. Miscarriages are certainly more common than most people realize - but each one is dramatic and difficult. I was surprised by how deepy I mourned when I had a miscarriage and only those who had been through it could understand.

  3. Exciting. I love reading these blogs. I have a friend who has adopted 11 special needs children. She amazes me. Anyone who opens their heart This way amazes me.