tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36135550202905252022024-03-19T00:27:08.044-07:00 Our Adoption StoryWill Pfaffenbergerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17250585066828589223noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3613555020290525202.post-7854862304388695772015-12-18T12:52:00.000-08:002015-12-18T12:52:43.858-08:00AnniversaryIt's true what they say. Time Heals, and It Does Get Better.<br />
<br />
A year ago yesterday a baby girl was born in a hospital in another state. A year ago today we sat on pins and needles watching that little girl slip away from us. A year ago tomorrow we returned home empty handed and broken worse than we had ever been in our lives. We don't know that little girl anymore. <br />
There is still a portion of our house that looks like this and has sat frozen for the last year. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTAcXrPf8AT7p0I_pJxk_bF8kvU_g2fuxXgvxMgIEKuTNj3AtRX3fIJ_1w7x8qgeoEu_AqnZV7Md4xbi4COmMPv4m2Mze__RU1twcFntsBIZyB-nWGGjISHCCcTFY18pMOwwXTKYc-o9LF/s1600/image5.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTAcXrPf8AT7p0I_pJxk_bF8kvU_g2fuxXgvxMgIEKuTNj3AtRX3fIJ_1w7x8qgeoEu_AqnZV7Md4xbi4COmMPv4m2Mze__RU1twcFntsBIZyB-nWGGjISHCCcTFY18pMOwwXTKYc-o9LF/s320/image5.JPG" width="320" /> </a> Not because we want it to, but because we're not sure what we should
do with this stuff, and we have luckily been otherwise busy. It's a bit
of a somber anniversary, I'm sure these dates will come and go with less significance in the future, but this week, at one year, it's a strong memory. It is amazing to look back and recognize
how much has changed, how differently we feel, and how everything really
did work out for the best. People told us that a lot, and we weren't
sure we would believe it, but we do now. We still think all of that
pain and anguish was unnecessary and pointless, but we are a lot wiser
and more aware of the true blessing that Lincoln and his birth family
are.<br />
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Our lives look a lot different now!!<br />
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We are getting ready to celebrate Lincoln's first Christmas.
We have enjoyed every minute with him and are thankful every day for
the person that his birthmom is. None of this would be possible with
out her and her family's support. We are planning to celebrate Christmas with her this weekend! <br />
We still see, almost every day, families that are struggling to grow. We see adoptions failing and hearts breaking. Unfortunately, it happens all too often. For those of you still waiting, don't lose hope, there is a very good chance that the right match is out there and you will be led down the path to them.<br />
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Have a very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. May you have hope and prosperity in the new year!<br />
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<br />Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05395780926651626568noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3613555020290525202.post-44724358364985087002015-08-10T04:35:00.000-07:002015-08-10T05:48:37.375-07:00Love You to the Moon and Back! <span style="font-size: x-large;">I</span>t is with great excitement, elation,
gratefulness, and relief that we are able to finally announce the birth
and adoption of our son Lincoln Xavier! It has been a 2+ year journey
and we have finally arrived at our goal: parenthood! When we began this
process we had no idea how it would turn out, where it would take us, or who we would meet, but we could not be
happier at the turn of events that led us to our son.<br />
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<br />
Just the facts:<br />
Lincoln
was born 7.2.15 at 9:09 am at Community North Hospital here in Indy
(Shout out to our wonderful nurses, Angela, Brittany, Neda, Casey and
Nadine). He was 8lbs, 8.6oz, 22 1/4 inches long. We were able to be in
the hospital from the day before he was born until the day we took him
home. We shared his care in the hospital with his birthmother and her
family. Papers were signed and he came home with us on the 4th of
July! It really was a beautiful experience. He was welcomed with
fireworks! Last 4th of July, we set off paper lanterns with our wish for
a child written on them. This year we set off lantern's thankful that
our son was home! On the legal front, we were not certain until this
past week that his adoption would not be contested. <br />
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<br />
The background:<br />
We
were contacted by Lincoln's birthmother back in late March and began
developing a relationship with her. We decided it was best to keep our
relationship private due to our close proximity. This was also a new
relationship and we wanted to guard our hearts and expectations after
what we had already been through. We continued to talk and we met
several times to get to know each other better. In early May we had our
official "match" meeting where we both committed our intentions to each
other and talked in more detail about what the hospital plan would be
and what we imagined for the future in an open adoption. We were able
to accompany her to 2 doctor's appointments. Her last doctor's
appointment was 4 days past her due date. We were able to see baby on
ultrasound to check his estimated weight and mom's fluid levels. We had
no idea we would end up staying for the next 3 nights. They decided to
prep her for induction that afternoon! We were going to have a baby!
It was a bit of a shock, we had to have our family bring us some
overnight things, but it all worked out. <br />
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<br />
Lincoln's Birth Family:<br />
We
have been blessed beyond measure with a young woman and her family who
have been incredibly supportive of her adoption plan. She was steadfast
in her decision, and never made us feel uneasy that she was going to
change her mind. Her family was with her in the hospital and we got to
know them much better in those few intimate days in the hospital. We
truly hope that they came to see our love for Lincoln and for his
birthmom. We continue to develop our relationship and we look forward
to more meetings and get-togethers with his birthfamily in the future.
It was really important to us to include her in Lincoln's first
portraits. She is a very important part of his life, and we want him to
know that she has been involved in his life since the very beginning. <br />
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<br />
Parenthood:<br />
Lincoln
has been a really perfect baby so far! (knock on wood) He has slept like a baby :) He
has gotten on a pretty regular 4 hour schedule for several weeks now.
He is growing and eating and playing. He is starting to smile, and
coo. We are learning his cues and adjusting our sleep schedules to his
needs. <br />
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To
those of you who followed our story, who shared our story, and who
prayed and sent good vibes, we Thank You! It really was networking and
lots and lots of sharing that helped Lincoln and his birthmother to find
us. So what's next? We have to wait for a court date for
finalization. Finalization is a formal legal process where we will
stand before a
judge and he or she will officially sign the paperwork and we will
legally
become his parents, and that is still several months away. We have to
finish our homestudy update, because it has to be current at the time of
finalization. Home studies have to be updated annually. After that, it
should be lots and lots of love, hugs, learning, growing, and more
sharing. We are so happy that we can now share with you our amazing
news! Will Pfaffenbergerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17250585066828589223noreply@blogger.com32tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3613555020290525202.post-73104305774400367902015-04-28T18:44:00.002-07:002015-04-28T18:44:27.707-07:00Two Years and Counting<div class="separator" style="clear: both; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: left;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghv7s06Y7kawhaqERMwR-80sJ8VzsgnOKRgn0ehePCfhJXMIXbQOZRgG4_bjNSqZS4Vg0xwhW1ZvARyL_3mwJIux6_kps11-4GEEtR9wiouRdsvX3x4G6MOngVekjHV6d8AvGUh7vdmmM/s1600/10450153_502872389850627_1222166667568358617_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghv7s06Y7kawhaqERMwR-80sJ8VzsgnOKRgn0ehePCfhJXMIXbQOZRgG4_bjNSqZS4Vg0xwhW1ZvARyL_3mwJIux6_kps11-4GEEtR9wiouRdsvX3x4G6MOngVekjHV6d8AvGUh7vdmmM/s1600/10450153_502872389850627_1222166667568358617_n.jpg" height="320" width="320" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">W</span>ell, time has passed and life has most certainly moved on. Our blog and adoption journey is officially 2 years old. Once Spring began, we started getting a lot more potential contacts and connections with expectant mothers. Our agency said they had been rather busy as well. Finally people are coming out of hibernation I guess. Since being so open about our hopes to adopt, it seems we have become a sounding board for a lot of families and potential situations. Often we are the first contact and information women and families are getting about adoption. We are on the front lines with our phone number and social media, so we try to be as open as we can, knowing full well, that we may never hear from these women again. We have talked to local families trying to find some answers for their daughters, granddaughters, neighbors, and sisters. We have spoken to people across the country. We have spoken to people who were already involved with CPS, so we were not eligible for those situations. We have spent many hours on the phone, or email, or facebook messages with mothers looking into adoption. While it can be exhausting to try and navigate the very personal intricacies, we are glad to at least be showing up on people's radar and be a couple that these women want to talk to. As of right now, most of these situations have not been the right fit for us, hopefully we have pointed people in the right direction, or maybe they decided to parent. We are still hopeful that something will work out soon!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhELJFBhgvY6wNVp_MCAKZPQ14m-Kf23TBccymY24WOKRtsiKEb4Sxo3TA6ry7Z-2fCrrD0fWE_1sLf_TGetEuLeaxj82aj1EaTElD148gSaygpcr5dd96gW91frmbBp73n44h4Uzag4Sc/s1600/11148724_890351701003368_1740585789163276496_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhELJFBhgvY6wNVp_MCAKZPQ14m-Kf23TBccymY24WOKRtsiKEb4Sxo3TA6ry7Z-2fCrrD0fWE_1sLf_TGetEuLeaxj82aj1EaTElD148gSaygpcr5dd96gW91frmbBp73n44h4Uzag4Sc/s1600/11148724_890351701003368_1740585789163276496_n.jpg" height="239" width="320" /></a>As for us, life continues to move forward, as is always the case. We came back from Christmas break and threw ourselves back into our work, partly to keep busy, partly because we are just busy by nature, and partly (for me, Adrienne) to prove to myself that I could come back from such a devastating loss and not let it ruin my life or my goals for myself. And right now, I am starting to see the fruits of that planning and investment. I have become much more busy with First Steps clients and photography clients, booking well into the summer now :) Will has been investing a TON of time with the soccer club and his team. He is also working with $3Bill to develop a full stage production of their previous Fringe shows "School House Wrong." Not to mention is day job. We are certainly busy, and it is helping to pass the time and not let us dwell on this long wait!</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUG60odN4GQBMuAY6pyK-1NGWYshjgVYVWLuaaermnSu9axpOkPXeCGfi-D1X8qLD-Hk1s_qFjw9vSL4DtTnHbcBqEsNbJu91QLq6D-7lkx9pwrXoS93Rmg7uAqis05WhnnYBgCemWsSE/s1600/Sequence+01.Still001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: none; color: black;"></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJm21RY2BW_NohoW4LvOvhHrpp4w8AiueagpFQsAXvOurDacmSmMyesrumQCnqcEiOaqjeq5LhhXeULuOfPyLOGnEuQETZrwrqtZ4kf9TURYyl_-ON9RkUL2P70hOF3bn4kxW5aGyLLEE/s1600/11129212_10152826575063137_6532609733763817751_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJm21RY2BW_NohoW4LvOvhHrpp4w8AiueagpFQsAXvOurDacmSmMyesrumQCnqcEiOaqjeq5LhhXeULuOfPyLOGnEuQETZrwrqtZ4kf9TURYyl_-ON9RkUL2P70hOF3bn4kxW5aGyLLEE/s1600/11129212_10152826575063137_6532609733763817751_n.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a>We have definitely been changed by our adoption experience as a whole, even as it is still unfolding. We will not let our story be defined by what happened last year. It is a thing that happened and it has become part of the fabric of who we are and what our story will be, but it is not the only thing. We like that we have become much more educated on the good, bad and ugly sides of adoption, and we know we will always have more to learn. But we are glad that we are in a position to potentially help others and educate them on the adoption process, how it works, what the basic laws are (as we have been told by professionals), and what pitfalls to avoid, and just general advice. We certainly needed it ourselves from others at one time. We are by no means experts, and we only know our story, but it is an avenue of life that neither of us anticipated traveling down just a few short years ago, so we are happy to share what we can and be a support to others. I wanted to share a post that we received on Facebook to show how sharing our story seems to have impacted others.</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfIPKYDpcigfOp8HMpA87k5usYtol66izpv4J-GjMUUgDmKPTTcTDSfTkdB9kKhyphenhyphenxmM6wEusoVse0AB54hKGbU6CkkbIYFPkUIJo4GenncD0bPmAZ_f4lzoETQXdwzulHp1PvyCtMdrQQ/s1600/Screen+shot+2015-04-28+at+4.42.20+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhfIPKYDpcigfOp8HMpA87k5usYtol66izpv4J-GjMUUgDmKPTTcTDSfTkdB9kKhyphenhyphenxmM6wEusoVse0AB54hKGbU6CkkbIYFPkUIJo4GenncD0bPmAZ_f4lzoETQXdwzulHp1PvyCtMdrQQ/s1600/Screen+shot+2015-04-28+at+4.42.20+PM.png" height="243" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I hope it's OK that we share this since it was posted on social media :)</td></tr>
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We received many beautiful posts, but this one has stayed with me all these many months. If you know Lorie, tell her thanks from both of us! After all, our greatest goal is to be a positive influence in the life of a child (or children). For now, we continue to wait and continue to work toward building a relationship with the right person who could make us parents! </div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #fff2cc;">**If you are just now finding our blog for the first time, or coming here because of the story on WTHR, we hope that you will take the time to get to know us. We hope you will read our blog from the beginning and go to our <a href="http://facebook.com/awadoption" target="_blank">Facebook</a> or <a href="http://instagram.com/awadoption" target="_blank">Instagram</a> pages. Most importantly, if you or someone you know are considering adoption, we would hope you would <a href="http://adoptionisfamily.com/" target="_blank">visit our full profile online directed at potential birthmothers. </a> (<a href="http://Adoptionisfamily.com/">Adoptionisfamily.com</a>) Even if you don't think <i>we</i> are the right fit, I can personally vouch for many other waiting families who would love to hear from you.** </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: #fff2cc;"><a href="http://www.iheartadoption.org/users/pfaffenberger" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjeX9v1bnJJ5F0EkRwYddG76CaElZNdna4upMJ3Z0ibEURiJymqALJ0XVKQurO6O2KqZ4CQF4x2dp1ueRXvwR7KKXV30hvamOTC8Y6f49LMzYmNb5Me3oymLBOONotpdqgFvOWrvD-ZT_M/s1600/AdoptionBanner-1.jpg" height="290" width="640" /></a></span></div>
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Will Pfaffenbergerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17250585066828589223noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3613555020290525202.post-35258895499435530452015-01-17T10:08:00.002-08:002015-04-30T18:50:57.731-07:00It's Been One Month... by Adrienne<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I</span>t's been a long time trying to figure
out what exactly to say next.
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We've wanted to share the exact details
of how everything went down with our baby that didn't come home.
We've wanted to put our agency, the birth mom and all sorts of other
people on blast for letting this happen. We've started writing a lot
of really sad and depressing posts, and a lot of angry posts. We've
also started writing a lot of half developed thoughts. It's hard to
know what to say when pretty much all words or thoughts or feelings
are inadequate. It's hard to find any coherent thought patterns to
write a complete narrative about what happened.
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I think it's just time to express
something. Time to get thoughts out in the open. I will start with
the disclaimer that these are my thoughts, my experiences, my
feelings, and my grieving process. If you have not been in this
situation, I don't expect you to understand or empathize. I know
that many people have experienced all sorts of terrible forms of loss
and I do not mean in any way to diminish them. I am just trying to
articulate a type of grief that I have not seen expressed very much.
I hope to articulate the nuances of a failed adoption, at least as I
felt it. First let me say that I have really come to appreciate
people who just say “I'm sorry”, and “I don't know what to
say.” Those are probably the only two honest things anyone can
say. “It will get better”, “It wasn't meant to be”, and
“this wasn't the baby for you”, “it will all make sense later”,
or worst of all “God has a plan” are all pretty much the last
things anyone wants to hear when something tragic happens to them.
Not only is it not what people want to hear – I'll speak for
myself, me, it's not what I wanted to hear- it's pretty much
impossible to hear with any sort of perspective when you're in the
middle of such grief.
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> I know it may seem crazy to be going
on and on for a month now talking about grief, talking about still
being sad and distressed over a child that “wasn't even ours”,
but the truth of the matter is that she was ours. In our hearts and
minds she was ours. This is a baby that we followed and experienced
her growth and development for almost as long as her mother did. We
found out about this situation and the existence of this life only
about 2 months after her mom did. We nurtured this relationship just
as any expectant parent would. We knew it wasn't the same, but we
lived it every day. We don't expect to have biological children of
our own and so we wanted to try to live as much of this process as we
could without actually being pregnant. We have 3D and 4D ultrasound
pictures and video. We even have an angel teddy bear with a
recording of her heartbeat inside. You can imagine how fabulous it
was to come home and remember we had that. We named this baby. The
most beautiful perfect name there ever could be for another human
being. We even lovingly incorporated the birth mom's name into her
name. We loved this baby. We tried not to let ourselves get
attached, but those babies have superpowers! We hoped for her, we
dreamed for her, we imagined teaching her, we bought things for her.
(Not just us, but our families, our friends, and even strangers.)
What's weird is that now the baby that we named doesn't exist. When
we refer to her by the name that we gave her, it's like a ghost.
That person does not exist in the world. I mean she is still living,
but she has been renamed, and her birth mother isn't just her
biological mother, she is actually her mother, in every sense of the word. As far as that child
will ever know, she is the only mother figure she ever had or will
have.
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> As I see it, in the world of adoption
there is an understanding that a child knows that he or she was born
of one mother and raised by another. That child always knows (or at
least would in open adoption) of this scenario of 2 families planning
for her arrival. With what happened to us (and to so many other
hopeful adoptive families) I am fairly certain that this baby will
never know we existed. She will never know how her brief presence in
our lives affected us. About the life that she had before she was
born, the plans that we made for her, or that there even were any
different plans. I mean, how would she? Who would ever tell a child
that type of information. “Oh, by the way, you almost lived in a
different house with different parents and a different name.” The
identity that we had given her is gone. Also in the open adoption
that we had planned, the birthmother would have received periodic
updates and even visits if she wanted. The birth family would get to
see how she was growing up and how her life was evolving. Throughout
this process there is so much care to make sure that the expectant
mother is comfortable, is counseled (allegedly) and that all of her
wishes are followed, up until her time to sign any paperwork. And
rightly so, for a woman to actually go through with placement is a
gut wrenching experience. But there is no care given to the hopeful
adoptive parents. What we want doesn't matter and we are not offered
the same amount of care or closure. Right now, for me, I feel like
what I imagine a birth mom in a closed adoption might experience.
It's all backwards.(Yes I know it's different, I know she's not my
blood, I know I never had any legal rights to this child, but I'm
trying to draw a loose comparison.) I think I can somewhat
understand what it must feel like for a birth mother to place her
child with another family and hope that they do the best job any
parent has ever done raising a child in the history of the world. I
will have to live with the permanent loss of never knowing her
future. How crazy is it that something that occupied so much of my
time, thoughts, energy, and emotions, can just be gone in a blink of
an eye. It's like a dream, a bad dream. I've woken up and it's as
good as if it never happened.
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
<br />
What an odd type of death.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
<br />
Now this is the part that will
probably upset people, but I think I want to say it with the
disclaimer again that this is my personal experience and revelations
while working through my feelings. What an odd type of death, losing
a child to a failed adoption. It's not like a miscarriage or a
complication of labor. It's not like a death of a grandparent or
parent or an aged friend or relative. It is not like something that
can be rationalized by an act of nature or biology or old age. It's
a loss of something that, first of all, you're not supposed to
believe is yours to begin with, and second of all, it's a loss at the
hands of someone else. It's not like death because this child is
still alive. She is living a life completely devoid of us and we
have no say in the matter. How quickly this baby's entire trajectory
in life was altered by literally one single second. I often wonder
if the butterfly had flapped it's wings somewhere in Asia just one
second sooner or one second later, or one ounce harder if the entire
Universe would have aligned things in our favor. Of course, that is
something we will never know.
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> It's not an exact comparison, but this
poem is the closest thing I have reference to for a situation like
this. This poem kept coming to mind when I was reflecting on all of
this. This poem was written about children with special needs, but
it touches on a parents dreams for their children and what it's like
when those dreams are not realized in the way you thought they would
be. I think it can also apply to adoption in general and the way
most people expect to start a family...</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Welcome to Holland</span></i></div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“<i>...When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a
fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and
make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The
gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's
all very exciting.</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span>
<i><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives.
You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane
lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."</span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span>
<i><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean
Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my
life I've dreamed of going to Italy."</span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span>
<i><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in
Holland and there you must stay.</span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span>
<i><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a
horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and
disease. It's just a different place.</span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span>
<i><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn
a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people
you would never have met.</span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span>
<i><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less
flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you
catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that
Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has
Rembrandts.</span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i>But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy...
and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there.
And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I
was supposed to go. That's what I had planned." </i>
</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span>
<i><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...
because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.</span></i><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span>
<i><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't
get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the
very lovely things ... about Holland.” ~</span></i><span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue",Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> Emily Perl Kingsley</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
<br />
The other thing that has struck me in
this whole process is how informal it is. We left the hospital with
little more than a “see you later” which never actually came. We
never got to say goodbye, we never got to ask why, we never got to do
anything. We left one night, and were told that she wanted to “save
us the trip back” to the hospital the next morning. And we were
back home alone within a matter of hours. But there is no formal
grieving process for a situation like this. Actual death can involve
the ceremonial traditions of a funeral, a burial, a memorial, some
type of closure. This woman just took her baby home and went on with
life as usual as if nothing had happened, while we, meanwhile, had to
force ourselves out of bed and to eat for the first few days. (I do
think she thought long and hard about it.) We had to create our own
type of “ceremony” by writing, talking, and sharing with friends
and family. However, when it's not a standard event, it is much less
understood or appreciated for the profound experience that it is.
There is the old saying about how losing a child is not the natural
order of things, how there is a name for a spouse who loses a spouse,
and a name for a child who loses a parent, but there is no name for a
parent who loses a child. What about an almost parent? There's
definitely not a name for that person; for a person who on paper and
in society never was a parent, but feels the loss just as profoundly.
For all intents and purposes we appear to have not lost anything.
Our house is just as empty as it ever was. And visibly, nothing has
changed. We are right back where we started. Will and I have always
said that our status quo is pretty comfortable, and not the worst
place to be, but it is not where we want to be. We are in Holland.
The fact of the matter is that we are not status quo anymore. We are
changed, we are different. We have a hole. It's a little bigger now
than the initial hole from not having children in general. Now we
have a hole that was supposed to be filled with this particular
person, this unique specific life that can not be replicated. That
is a space that will never be filled, even by another child. When a
child does come in to our lives, I expect that he or she will occupy
their very own space in our hearts. I have no intention of trying to
fill this hole. Hopefully the hole scars over and won't hurt as bad,
but right now, it's raw. I am left to hope and wonder about this
person, this child, this life, this “baby that never came home.”
I hope the best for her, while fearing the worst. As I told this
birth mom in a letter I wrote to her after we got home, it is now her
responsibility to give the child she promised us, the life that we
promised her.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span>
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
For the record, she is 1 month old
today (1/17/15), and if all of this had gone according to plan, and
there were no other issues or unforeseen circumstances, she would
have been ours today. The birth mother and father's rights would
have been terminated and she would have been ours for all intents and
purposes except for the formalities of a few more post placement
visits.
</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span>Will Pfaffenbergerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17250585066828589223noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3613555020290525202.post-1895055486000203842014-12-20T08:11:00.000-08:002014-12-20T08:11:07.832-08:00Back Home And Grieving...
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: x-large;">T</span>oday was supposed to be the day that
our birth mom would sign relinquishment papers, and we would
officially become the parents of a perfect little baby girl. After
two days of caring for and watching over this baby who in our hearts
was ours, we received a call yesterday morning shortly before 8am
telling us that our birth mom had changed her mind and had decided to
keep the baby and parent - our worst fears about this process realized. There is no recourse for us. The
devastation, loss, anger, frustration, hopelessness, and sadness we
are feeling right now is immeasurable. It is a suffering like we
have never had to endure before, and we are now back at home and
grieving – trying to figure out what to do next. We feel like we
lost a baby. We feel like we have been had and cheated. We feel
like we have been made fools of. We feel like we wasted other
opportunities to become parents. But most of all, we feel like we have
wasted time, money, emotional investment, and compassion on this
birth mom who revealed herself in just a few short days to be an
entirely different person than the one who we got to know and cared
for in the past five months. We are beyond concerned for the life that has been chosen for this baby who we held, fed, nurtured, and loved in her first hours on Earth. When we finally feel up to the task, we will share the entire story of what has been some of the worst days we have ever had to face. No doubt, what we have to say, will truly open your eyes about how the adoption process really can be, and often is like, for many many couples and individuals going through this. Needless to say, there are no protections and not much beyond very basic and superficial support for the risks we assume. Thank you all so much for the outpouring of love and excitement for us through this opportunity that we had to grow our family. We wish we could have delivered you the good news you were hoping for. We will update you all soon. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Love,<br />~ Will & Adrienne </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
</div>
Will Pfaffenbergerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17250585066828589223noreply@blogger.com43tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3613555020290525202.post-22953670534209082992014-10-28T04:33:00.000-07:002014-10-28T04:33:39.630-07:00Now THE REAL Update: We're Expecting...To Adopt!<span style="font-size: x-large;">L</span>ike we said at the end of our previous post, we have more to tell you. In fact, we have A LOT more to tell you. We had these grand notions of keeping everyone up to date to the day through every little nuance of the adoption process, but as it turns out, almost all of the time, the information we are dealing with is so sensitive and uncertain that it takes awhile before everyone involved feels comfortable enough to share. We are just now at a point where we can feel certain in sharing the story we are about to tell. You should know, though, that this has been in development for over 2 months at this point. We feel kind of strange having just posted a blog about all of the birthmom calls that didn't work out - the implication being that we were no further along than a year ago. We were, in fact, much further along at the time we posted the last blog, but we felt it was important to tell you about all of the unexpected things we had to navigate on the path that has lead us to this moment:<br />
<br />
We couldn't be any MORE EXCITED and HAPPY and THRILLED and SHOCKED and ELATED and GRATEFUL and HUMBLED and ANXIOUS and (still a little uncertain) BUT ULTIMATELY OVER-JOYED, to announce that WE. ARE. MATCHED!!!<br />
<br />
So glad you're happy, Will and Adrienne - what the heck does that MEAN? TO BE MATCHED? Well, if adopting a baby is the wedding ceremony then being matched with the birthmom is the engagement. A birthmom has chosen us to adopt her baby, and we have committed to adopt her baby. We have agreed to exclusively work with one another to create an adoption plan. After all the calls and posts and emails that resulted in nothing but disappointment, we have finally been chosen! We are now working with a wonderful birthmom, and if all goes as planned, we will become parents in...wait for it...DECEMBER! That's right, in 8 weeks! So here's the story: <br />
<br />
In the previous blog, we mentioned that our agency, the IAC, had connected us with a birthmom in Ohio. This Ohio connection came at such a strange busy time where we were navigating other very time sensitive contacts - something that hadn't happened all year. We were having a very serious debate about whether or not we were going to pursue the Indiana opportunity independently without the IAC because they wouldn't work with this mom due to some things they found in her history. It was completely insane. We had absolutely nothing solid all year, AND NOW TWO? REALLY? We were in such a strange state of mind that we thought the IAC was offering us this connection to the expectant mother in Ohio as an unlikely consolation for not being willing to work with Indiana mom. (Unfortunately, the nature of the adoption process causes you to become somewhat of a skeptic about opportunities to adopt - scammers, calls and then nothing, other lawyers/agencies seemingly creating more efficient adoption opportunities for their clients, alleged expectant moms giving you too much information exactly how you want to hear it too soon, etc...). It was unbelievable that in the middle of one very real, yet risky, opportunity to adopt, that a woman in Ohio just happened to see our profile online at that time, like it enough to request our letter, get it shipped overnight, and then be open to talking to us the same day she read our letter. It seemed unlikely, but here's what happened:<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdeBKQ5WLwRXwAT-FpRGW5jIv3qE6AhCHLN3WIxFLd8691okzmZS2F8CDEnyl9EqfoPGgJAgL7_JjOXiMojHqW2Sck3ZQXCq3GsFk41jZ9_fSBotdjze4GYZ7Kw5vw3cz1oAae-aDb6ic/s1600/photo+1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdeBKQ5WLwRXwAT-FpRGW5jIv3qE6AhCHLN3WIxFLd8691okzmZS2F8CDEnyl9EqfoPGgJAgL7_JjOXiMojHqW2Sck3ZQXCq3GsFk41jZ9_fSBotdjze4GYZ7Kw5vw3cz1oAae-aDb6ic/s320/photo+1.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a>In August, The IAC sent the Ohio woman several Dear Birthmother Letters, she chose 2 that she liked best. In the same conversation we were having about whether or not it was a good idea to pursue an independent adoption with the Indiana mom, we told the IAC to let this new Ohio mom know that we were very interested in talking to her. The IAC called the Ohio mom back to let her know, and by 4:30pm that day - the same day in the morning we were concerned we may lose our only real opportunity to adopt with the Indiana woman, we were talking with a new expectant mother who we would eventually come to match with. We didn't know that at the time of course as she was still considering us and the other couple. But, we felt good that we talked to her first and our conversation with her was really great. <br />
<br />
Luckily for us, the Ohio mom enjoyed her conversation with us so much that she simply told the IAC that putting her in touch with the other couple was unnecessary. So now, we had a second prospective adoption opportunity on our hands. And as you know from our last blog, a week later we would get a call from the Michigan mom who was due in a week. Needless to say, having three choices nearly killed us: a birthmom due in September, October, and December. Ultimately, the correct adoption opportunity and choice rose to the surface. While the Indiana and Michigan opportunities were tempting because they were happening sooner, there were major red flags and concerns and gaps of information that, in the end, were just too risky for us. The contrast being that our Ohio mom called us regularly, gave us a lot of information, was really articulate about what she was looking for in an adoptive couple, very friendly, and easy to talk to. The start to our relationship with her was the way we expected the open adoption process to go. Over Labor Day weekend, she even sent us an ultrasound picture of the baby.<br />
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</div>
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTX2XMQPGjIP_xaFVe8RF8VmRfD72pPMds8eqlKykXTJsjCwPrXBypXFhcVG-wM_82sxQ4SxPrzQKKaCEg0jkJeo5NGHBEFes5srTd08qW2AqYwC_pAkRNND___bKcvMUON7VYXNZ0BnY/s1600/photo(14).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTX2XMQPGjIP_xaFVe8RF8VmRfD72pPMds8eqlKykXTJsjCwPrXBypXFhcVG-wM_82sxQ4SxPrzQKKaCEg0jkJeo5NGHBEFes5srTd08qW2AqYwC_pAkRNND___bKcvMUON7VYXNZ0BnY/s1600/photo(14).JPG" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
The day came that we had a major decision make. It was Monday September 8th. While we loved the way our Ohio mom was communicating with us, we did keep the door open on the other two opportunities for a week. It was the week following Labor Day. We scheduled a trip to Ohio on Sunday September 7th to meet our expectant mother, but in that same weekend we were also waiting to hear back from the Michigan mom who was due on September 11th - in JUST A FEW DAYS. The Michigan mom told us she would call us by Sunday evening. Meanwhile, we had a really lovely lunch with the Ohio mom where we finally had a chance to get a sense of one another in person. It went very well. So well that she called the agency later that afternoon to let them know that she was ready to match with us - which means we would get taken off the books and the online search as being an available couple. Here's the rule we didn't realize - when an expectant mother says they are ready to match with a couple, you then only have 48 hours, as the couple, to say "Yes, we want to match too," or "No, we would like to stay available for another opportunity." <br />
<br />
Suddenly, the clock was ticking. We had not heard from the Michigan mom since Friday, and she was supposed to be having a baby in the upcoming week! We did not hear back from her Sunday evening like she had told us. What do we do? Do we match with the mom from Ohio or go with the baby who is allegedly supposed to be born in Michigan in three days? So, it was Monday September 8th in the early afternoon, after repeated attempts to reach the Michigan mom and no response, we called the IAC to let them know that we wanted to match with our Ohio mom. It made more sense. It felt right. She was the right fit for us. Even if we had heard back from the mom in Michigan (which we eventually did, by the way), there were still too many unknown variables and concerns that we had about the situation to risk losing our opportunity with the mom in Ohio. We knew selecting to match with our mom in Ohio was the right choice for us and what our Ohio mom had already decided was the right choice for her.<br />
<br />
Over the next several weeks we exchanged a lot of phone calls and text messages, got to know more about each other, and began the formal process - ie paperwork and meetings with the agency, to make it official. We have since made one other trip to Ohio where we got to be present for a 3D ultrasound, and we had lunch and hung out all day. We feel good creating a strong relationship and bond so that this child will know how much they were planned for and how much we both prepared. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEXpqdDfTO9a00SPyYccm4o_eaZRSjdY9DNiBvZ4va1xWyzT8Jj9vSDiuwN5U_udncVJzzc5DcGIPNkIlsMMiSfVxFWTDASOrl3rhmbvG9pMBYU_B9b8gEoMO3vBbKhuoPCJudcEDx2j4/s1600/30+WEEKS_20.1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEXpqdDfTO9a00SPyYccm4o_eaZRSjdY9DNiBvZ4va1xWyzT8Jj9vSDiuwN5U_udncVJzzc5DcGIPNkIlsMMiSfVxFWTDASOrl3rhmbvG9pMBYU_B9b8gEoMO3vBbKhuoPCJudcEDx2j4/s1600/30+WEEKS_20.1.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
We feel pretty comfortable at this time to tell everyone the whole story now... and to share our excitement with everyone who cares to hear it! (Actually Will wanted to tell people as soon as we matched, but Adrienne wanted to wait a little longer - like another month). Nothing with adoption is ever 100% certain, and all of this could change at any minute - even after the baby is born - but we feel like we are in as confident a place to be in this process to share our news. Here it is!:<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">We're Expecting Baby Girl Pfaffenberger 12/24/14!!! </span></div>
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We have tried really hard to be cautious with this story and experience. At this point we feel like it's ready to be shared for several reasons. #1 We are just excited and want to enjoy it. We want to have a little bit of what an expectant pregnant couple would have: planning, wondering, hoping, and sharing this journey with others. #2 We realize that anything could go wrong with this match at any time and that has made us fearful of having to take all of this back and worried what that would feel like - the less people we tell, the less we have to explain later. However, any pregnancy is uncertain too. We really want to share the truth about adoption and matching and potentially unmatching is part of that. Hopefully we never have to share that, but it is a very real possibility. We feel it's only fair to write the whole truth and not just the shiny happy parts. But, right now, we feel like we're in a pretty good place. The time is going quickly and it's getting harder and harder to avoid the topic or skirt around the subject when people ask! Right now, we are matched, expecting to become parents of a baby girl in December, and we really couldn't be any happier!<br />
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Will Pfaffenbergerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17250585066828589223noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3613555020290525202.post-44925624565410766242014-10-21T12:47:00.000-07:002014-10-21T12:47:27.744-07:00Even When It's Good, It Is Hard To Get Excited...<span style="font-size: x-large;">S</span>ince June, this adoption journey has taken us on some serious ups and downs.<br />
<br />
Over
the summer, we officially became desensitized and grew accustomed to
the process of fielding one phone call from a potential birth mom never
to hear from her again. Our last one of these kind of calls was in June
from an expectant mother in Michigan. We really liked our conversation
with her, thought it went really well, and then she just disappeared,
which for us, had become par for the course up until that point. <br />
<br />
We
then took a vacation (see last blog post), which was a welcome
distraction and a nice get away for the two of us, but very soon we were
back to the reality of nothing happening on the adoption front. <br />
<br />
In
July, the only thing we had going was having to go through the process
of renewing and re-upping the stuff that goes along with our home study
(background checks, fingerprints, health check-ups, etc.) since we were
approaching our 1 year anniversary of having it approved. You have to
renew your home study every year. That's right, IT'S BEEN ONE YEAR
NOW. We were really hoping something would happen before we had to do
this, but no such luck. <br />
<br />
So much wasn't happening with
adoption over the summer that we started to wonder if we needed to go in
a different direction. We started researching Foster Care and other
similar types of opportunities to become parents. We went to hear the
lawyer the IAC uses do a talk at the agency on a Saturday morning just
so we could basically feel like we were doing something proactive.<br />
<br />
We
wondered if our Dear Birthmother letter wasn't good. We wondered if we
needed to do more traditional paid advertising. We wondered what the
IAC was doing to help. We wondered if we should hire another lawyer or
agency to also work on this for us. We had a pretty detailed laundry
list of concerns that we were going bring to the IAC for our annual home
study renewal check-in meeting, and then the flood gates opened in
August...<br />
<br />
We aren't sure why, but things started happening after two things - <br />
1. Adrienne found an abandoned baby bird in our driveway and we took care of it in a box we put in a tree until it flew away. <br />
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<br />
<br />
2.
Will posted this picture of the nursery we've slowly been assembling
asking if anyone knew a baby who would like to live this room. This
actually generated a lot of viral response we weren't expecting. <br />
<br />
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We
know that those things were probably coincidences, but if you think
they had something to do with it, nurse a baby bird back to health and
post a pic of your empty nursery on social media if things are going
slow in your adoption process. If you just do those two things then
you'll get an overwhelming amount of response like we did in August...<br />
<br />
August
was nuts. Will refers to it as the most stressful and rigorous month
of work he has ever had - all of his jobs culminated into major projects
all at once. He had to go to a radio conference in Chicago, he was
opening a new $3Bill Fringe Show, and he was running a major tournament
event for his soccer club for the first time. Why not add on to that an
inordinate number of calls from expectant mothers? <br />
<br />
We
received a call from a woman in Nebraska. Adrienne talked to her
briefly and then nothing. THEN, we received a Facebook message from an
expectant mother in Indiana who was due in October - more on that in
just a second. THEN, we received a call from an expectant mother in
Indiana who had JUST GIVEN BIRTH - more on that in just a second. Our
agency then connected us with an expectant mother in Ohio who had
requested our letter. And Finally, remember that call I wrote about
just a few paragraphs ago that took place in June? Well, that expectant
mother from Michigan called us back too - about a week before she was
due. <br />
<br />
Here is the insane story about how all of this played out - adoption is not an easy road, friends:<br />
<br />
The
expectant mother from Indiana who was due in October was definitely
pregnant (an important thing to know for sure before moving forward
because sometimes they aren't!). We even met her for dinner once, and
she seemed very nice, but with a few eccentricities. Upon receiving
more information, the IAC determined that they would not work with this
woman due to some things they had found in her history. They would not
work with her because we are doing an open adoption, and in an open
adoption, to one extent or another, there will be some kind of
relationship between the birth mom and the adoptive parents and the
agency. The IAC felt like these issues (based on history of dealing
with them) would prevent this woman from maintaining a positive
relationship with us and the agency...POTENTIALLY - no one really knows
for sure if there would've been any issues at all. So, this left us in
the awkward position of having to decide whether or not we wanted to
move forward on our own without the agency's support and just hire a
lawyer at an additional expense to help us complete this adoption. This
was a very difficult decision for us because this was the first time
that we thought that we had a real opportunity to match with an
expectant mother. Ultimately, no agency support and a lot of
uncertainty about the situation lead us away from this opportunity, but
it was so incredibly hard to even consider walking away from this
chance. We couldn't believe that our first real chance to become
parents was a situation that our agency wouldn't support. We spent
several days sorting through the information, consulting with our
families and agency representatives, and trying to find ways to make it
work, but after many of hours of exhaustive practical and emotional
analysis, we concluded that it just wasn't right for us. And on top of
that, we suddenly had a lot of other expectant mothers calling us
simultaneously...<br />
<br />
So then, there was the Indiana Birthmom
who called us who had just given birth: She was in the hospital with a
new baby. Her friend sent Will a Facebook message while he was on the
air around 7:30am requesting the link to our adoption profile, and Will
replied with the link. This happens all of the time, so he thought
nothing of it. At 10am, Adrienne received an emotional phone call from
this woman. She had just given birth at 4am, she was considering
adoption as an option but the baby came earlier than she expected it to
and so she had not gotten far in the process. After this conversation,
we notified the IAC, and they simply told us to wait for more
information. From this point forward, we had a couple of more
conversations with the friend who FB messaged Will, and she gave us
updates as the day progressed. By the end of the day, the woman was
having meetings with the hospital counselors and by the next morning,
she decided to parent. But, it was a crazy 24 hours for us to think
that we might have had to have prepared to have a baby in our house that
fast. Also, incredibly exciting and ultimately disappointing...
which, if we are being honest about the adoption process, is kind of how
this always works. Just when you think you can get excited, there is
always something that will most likely disrupt that feeling... usually
in a big way.<br />
<br />
Speaking of ups and downs and things that
happen more regularly in the adoption process than they should - let's
talk about the expectant mother from Michigan. She first called us in
June and told us she was due on September 11th. She and Adrienne had
what seemed like a great conversation. Then - she disappeared. Usually
this happens because once an expectant mother has a conversation with a
real person on the other end, the prospect of adoption becomes suddenly
very real for her and all of those emotions and considerations come
pouring to the surface. Many reconsider adoption at this point from
what we understand. In our case, we don't know for sure, but most of
the time when this happens it means they have made a different choice.
Well, she called us back for the second time about a week before she was
due just a few weeks ago. At this point, we had moved on in our minds,
but again, the opportunity to adopt is something HAVE TO always
consider - we never know how many chances we are going to get. We felt
like we weren't going to have any chances based on how the year up until
this point had gone. SO NOW, we were talking to the expectant mother
in Indiana, had been connected to an expectant mother in Ohio, and now
had a call from an expectant mother in Michigan due in a week. <br />
<br />
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<br />
We went from absolutely no prospects in May, June, and July to THREE VERY REAL prospects in <br />
August,
and for the first week in September were having very elaborate
conversations about what direction we needed to go in. Who do we choose
and how?! HONESTLY, we wanted to say, "Give us all three!" But you
can't do that, and I'm sure all you parents are laughing at us right now
saying, "How about you try one first before making such a bold claim?" <br />
<br />
Well,
here's what happened... Without the agency's support, we had to move
away from the Indiana birthmom - the IAC made sure she was supported by
other organizations to assure she could pursue an adoption elsewhere.
AND THEN, the expectant mother in Michigan sounded like an amazing
immediately gratifying opportunity and would have been much faster for
us, but when we attempted to reach back out to her, she essentially
became unavailable AGAIN. Knowing she was due in a week or two did not
seem to generate the same amount of urgency for her and as it did for
us. And keep in mind that we knew nothing about her - health, history,
background, etc. There IS A TON to establish with birthmoms and
adoptive parents before the due date and we were hoping that we would
get the responses we needed to trust and understand her and feel
comfortable moving forward in this kind of relationship with her. Not to
mention that the laws in Michigan would require us to stay there for
2-3 weeks awaiting clearance to cross state lines and come home, on very
short notice. Unfortunately, we never did get the conversation we
needed to have with her so all of this excitement has still left us in the same position... Waiting. It has definitely been a learning experience.<br />
<br />
All the while, we haven't really felt comfortable talking about anything, which is why there have been a lack of posts. We've shared with our families, and gotten some advice throughout this process, but it's really hard to talk about something that is so uncertain. It's also difficult to go through all of this in such secrecy or to celebrate any small victory like a regular pregnancy. We don't want to talk about it and get people's hopes up, or worse yet, have to explain how or why things didn't work out. It's not like being pregnant and having a pretty good idea of what's going to happen in 9 months. Nothing is certain until all the papers are signed - which, by the way, is months after the baby is born and in your home. So many hurdles left! <br />
<br />
Don't worry, there is still more to tell, but this post is super long. We'll continue the updates very soon! Will Pfaffenbergerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17250585066828589223noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3613555020290525202.post-64028677692879468872014-06-30T16:27:00.000-07:002014-06-30T16:27:10.086-07:00A Little Southern Indiana Vaca<span style="font-size: x-large;">I</span>t's probably time for a bit of an update. We have finally given ourselves some down time and taken a little vacation through southern Indiana. We chose to check out a few in-state areas that people have always told us were neat, but we have never been. <br />
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We started with a trip to Madison, Indiana on the Ohio River where we stayed in Clifty Inn at Clifty Falls State Park. We enjoyed some small hikes to the waterfalls. We walked along the river. We ate great food at cute local restaurants - The Hollywood Tavern and Grill and the Crystal and Jules to name a couple. We went shopping and enjoyed the views from our hotel room balcony. How could I forget watching the US vs Germany World Cup soccer match? We have watched almost every World Cup soccer match that has been on in various bars and hotel rooms across the state.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf9UPgPBuJMnJz6ySC41-Bv-rr4QJn-p9fMHicIDqCxPtnjuike_mB2HizdCU_4PzTfxJUkj87Hajh1q3vls9E8GJWssZkkriMFETWH_lH_W9mCSEOEv6pl7YZHCEHKHNQ2UWMhbCiYos/s1600/AdrienneWill+Hoping+to+Adopt+Madison+Fountain+6.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjf9UPgPBuJMnJz6ySC41-Bv-rr4QJn-p9fMHicIDqCxPtnjuike_mB2HizdCU_4PzTfxJUkj87Hajh1q3vls9E8GJWssZkkriMFETWH_lH_W9mCSEOEv6pl7YZHCEHKHNQ2UWMhbCiYos/s1600/AdrienneWill+Hoping+to+Adopt+Madison+Fountain+6.jpeg" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Broadway Fountain Madison, IN - Make a Wish!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCPNouE0mJ5Zn-zab_oKzmY_xo11x8bi4SsTgkIZj9-tFRwhJGM5OMmr0e_HW39GF0l7EaFo49LiqztR1Il9KkvKOB1Ua3MLf2YnsTFHDv57zxniTMbbbpz-sKOIy9jmSIwXiR2lW_6N0/s1600/AdrienneWill+hoping+to+adopt+Holiday+World+4.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCPNouE0mJ5Zn-zab_oKzmY_xo11x8bi4SsTgkIZj9-tFRwhJGM5OMmr0e_HW39GF0l7EaFo49LiqztR1Il9KkvKOB1Ua3MLf2YnsTFHDv57zxniTMbbbpz-sKOIy9jmSIwXiR2lW_6N0/s1600/AdrienneWill+hoping+to+adopt+Holiday+World+4.jpeg" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">On one of the rides at Holiday World</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">See the falls behind us!</td></tr>
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We left after a few days and drove across the southern part of the state to the western corner for a day at Holiday World and Spashin' Safari. I (Adrienne) have become a little wary of thrill rides and roller coasters, but that is why Will is a good match for me. He makes sure I have fun, and we rode several rides. I made sure to safely watch our belongings as he rode the Voyage and the Legend. My favorite was the Raging Rapids. Not too rapid and you get wet and cool off :) They also have a "Turkey Gobbler" which is like the Buzz Lightyear ride at Magic Kingdom where you shoot turkey targets - I had the high score! <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8zfbc42JC_4N9ALqqk0o_vrYZ8mZtmbAV4lmWGOhTzQrWoNZHITKk692ersr-2e-gj9rc0K_ogf_EAJ6UyqbUo4sxylhZB5x5wdixfv7U8k2nsu8vOr7oWpeRPOSFMINJfns7pAVRfGc/s1600/AdrienneWill+hoping+to+adopt+Holiday+World+2.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8zfbc42JC_4N9ALqqk0o_vrYZ8mZtmbAV4lmWGOhTzQrWoNZHITKk692ersr-2e-gj9rc0K_ogf_EAJ6UyqbUo4sxylhZB5x5wdixfv7U8k2nsu8vOr7oWpeRPOSFMINJfns7pAVRfGc/s1600/AdrienneWill+hoping+to+adopt+Holiday+World+2.jpeg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Holiday World Carousel</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Seymour Reunion Band</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkkYRqAqKNMJsGbYDeIoLvVjxfyYUWAn2sqHOQLhxBvvHs-ZV9NzsvrAi2euUWpXqd6HRDi87Rp6BG2vcO9nvBbGcUYBRayzVsWl7gnIGsmad4RpQ36yK6RVJoUFPi3AaCFh2BBtWlxBM/s1600/photo+2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkkYRqAqKNMJsGbYDeIoLvVjxfyYUWAn2sqHOQLhxBvvHs-ZV9NzsvrAi2euUWpXqd6HRDi87Rp6BG2vcO9nvBbGcUYBRayzVsWl7gnIGsmad4RpQ36yK6RVJoUFPi3AaCFh2BBtWlxBM/s1600/photo+2.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The back roads of America</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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From there we crossed back through southern Indiana to Seymour for the evening to watch Will's dad's band play at his 50th high school class reunion. Will's dad plays the piano / organ / keyboard in the band. They were the life of the party. I think they were glad to have us there for support. We spent the night about an hour away at Monroe Reservoir near Bloomington, IN. It was a little rainy this weekend so we stayed in mostly, doing some shopping, getting a massage and yet again watching soccer. We met up with my aunt and cousin for dinner one night to visit and catch up.<br />
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Our final stop on our road trip was two nights at West Baden Springs hotel courtesy of my parents who wanted to treat us to something nice to celebrate our anniversary (a month early). They've been to West Baden and French Lick hotels and really enjoy them and wanted us to see what it was all about. We did a little gambling in the casino - Will won $60 - we went to the pool, had lovely meals, walked in the beautiful gardens and grounds and yes, yet again, watched World Cup soccer. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7ZsDHKUPsKFcAL9MpBeZM77dU_Od-oCZ_U9qDvsDPAt5GDpJ0O_jVCd37ULJB9448XyC0lyEi6Stt0lGpi1qtHrnrAF7wydCiXDqEaQ4iYFealjenpDA5h6oKDRdTcqxgcN9HqIEjTo0/s1600/photo+3.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg7ZsDHKUPsKFcAL9MpBeZM77dU_Od-oCZ_U9qDvsDPAt5GDpJ0O_jVCd37ULJB9448XyC0lyEi6Stt0lGpi1qtHrnrAF7wydCiXDqEaQ4iYFealjenpDA5h6oKDRdTcqxgcN9HqIEjTo0/s1600/photo+3.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCFwQXUIvKmFQM35t4vHRKxwTPWplgRMBNQlq7i5MexSlEC-bs-z2toRa4cSRQdInNTrYhpO-aVi3QhXkEU6QZ733DbvH8Bc5J_6JkVsjW_4g4E52Q2xL8dcv30w9jDcMmT30SZNP9kf8/s1600/AdrienneWillhoping+to+adopt+West+Baden1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCFwQXUIvKmFQM35t4vHRKxwTPWplgRMBNQlq7i5MexSlEC-bs-z2toRa4cSRQdInNTrYhpO-aVi3QhXkEU6QZ733DbvH8Bc5J_6JkVsjW_4g4E52Q2xL8dcv30w9jDcMmT30SZNP9kf8/s1600/AdrienneWillhoping+to+adopt+West+Baden1.jpeg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
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We'd like to think we've become rather experienced at the "selfie" on this trip. What do you think? <br />
The one thing we know for sure is that this trip would have been a whole lot more fun and interesting with a little one in tow to share it with. We'll try to post some more about what we've been up to this summer in the near future! <br />
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~Adrienne & Will<br />
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Will Pfaffenbergerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17250585066828589223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3613555020290525202.post-70417008431444760872014-04-22T16:25:00.000-07:002014-04-22T16:25:23.660-07:00Spring = Garage Sale Season!! <div style="text-align: center;">
Spring has finally sprung in Central Indiana and you know what that means....</div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">GARAGE SALE TIME!!</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhicoEWuon7VhMHBsV2AnSuEt2ISSySvFE0aNkK6yTTIRWrKwDC4XZ5EBLWtoU8CQr4Pq4U89ecE-AzKVMIsFC3YPX79nMNm0-2ttKbF8QqqQnN3nZ5N6Pvfu3TDcj7BUsJ0B6hpoPcBNI/s1600/garage_sale.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhicoEWuon7VhMHBsV2AnSuEt2ISSySvFE0aNkK6yTTIRWrKwDC4XZ5EBLWtoU8CQr4Pq4U89ecE-AzKVMIsFC3YPX79nMNm0-2ttKbF8QqqQnN3nZ5N6Pvfu3TDcj7BUsJ0B6hpoPcBNI/s1600/garage_sale.jpg" /></a></div>
We had such success last year, that we are hosting our first garage sale of the season to raise funds for our adoption. We have raised enough funds to get started, but we need to be able to cover unexpected expenses like hospital fees, lawyer costs and be prepared for any curve ball that might stand between us and our son or daughter! <br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: yellow;">Come visit us Friday and Saturday May 2nd and 3rd 2014!!!</span></h3>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjubLd0aeEP6b-Ese3yfV-jCBmtOL9XfzYWmmk7XqTzpF9h3n1JqdGsTYlGkzQzYSNkr3olQxNT97sqPKip71DpyYlCmcTW6IGZx1xSnRR7YXdpvID5SNIj3tn-H61D_W6Dy_Vaj2oB6o/s1600/IMG_1145.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjubLd0aeEP6b-Ese3yfV-jCBmtOL9XfzYWmmk7XqTzpF9h3n1JqdGsTYlGkzQzYSNkr3olQxNT97sqPKip71DpyYlCmcTW6IGZx1xSnRR7YXdpvID5SNIj3tn-H61D_W6Dy_Vaj2oB6o/s1600/IMG_1145.JPG" height="425" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The garage is overflowing again this year with awesome donations and treasures! </td></tr>
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Come on by and check out our newest stash of household items, clothes, toys, furniture and much more. We've gotten many great donations again from friends and family. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkPvWTtJ30Z1vceNqyyDwC2BcE2qD7Bz5TctCKWLIJkOsiekBmuAuAM-SXxGwl_zhxzR1PVF9oScxm7EcKGVLy9O84jiHYLTzs4_WB2VPxFLzWSLiSMUDNFB7_-Izelca2bKhA6ae6ffQ/s1600/IMG_1166.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkPvWTtJ30Z1vceNqyyDwC2BcE2qD7Bz5TctCKWLIJkOsiekBmuAuAM-SXxGwl_zhxzR1PVF9oScxm7EcKGVLy9O84jiHYLTzs4_WB2VPxFLzWSLiSMUDNFB7_-Izelca2bKhA6ae6ffQ/s1600/IMG_1166.JPG" height="426" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: yellow;">photo from last year's garage sale - This year's date is 5/2-5/3!!</span></td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px; padding-top: 4px; text-align: center;">photo from last year's garage sale!!<br /></td></tr>
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Be sure to follow us on <a href="http://instagram.com/awadoption" target="_blank">Instagram</a> and <a href="https://www.facebook.com/AWadoption" target="_blank">Facebook</a>!!<br />
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Please share our information with anyone and everyone!!<br />
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<a href="http://www.iheartadoption.org/users/pfaffenberger" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCOg4BkA-9X7nda0ZN-PaH0O3dyvLqAAfc8_qM9ZZJS4XB3MNT9t6O7jS9-31EMOrPILA-dsoTBIvD6FRN9kMVajXrJlIjLnsoGCgLCpswhw4_FlmT4Z41bBdmbvH5XLYtc2rrOf21XWs/s1600/AdoptionBanner.jpg" height="290" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://adoptionisfamily.com/">http://adoptionisfamily.com</a></div>
<br />Will Pfaffenbergerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17250585066828589223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3613555020290525202.post-30011145194164505102014-04-05T07:23:00.001-07:002014-04-05T07:23:16.154-07:00We're On Instagram! <span style="font-size: x-large;">Y</span>ou an now follow us on instagram!! <br />
We hope to use this account to network and help spread the word and find the right woman or couple considering an adoption plan for their child. We will share inspirational quotes, and other images related to adoption and our family plans! <br />
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We are also getting ready to start another round of spring fundraisers. So look for upcoming posts and information about how you can help! </div>
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Will Pfaffenbergerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17250585066828589223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3613555020290525202.post-52542666617499988692014-03-23T09:56:00.000-07:002014-03-23T10:20:03.552-07:00How To Contact Us!! {Adrienne & Will Open Adoption}<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.iheartadoption.org/users/pfaffenberger" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6w0EuGdH87CN8oJs_8pFmXUkWwEfZNOJTEiCtoKV7wWNyNVVQO0I70fH_im6LnUVNWRnE_DmxeZzfPOhPFP1tzEee4MV4REU4QvJZljVsXj-GlBQgGr4O2Q8E3RXFmi5HIzXauokIcByt/s1600/AdoptionBanner.jpg" height="290" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.iheartadoption.org/users/pfaffenberger" target="_blank">http://www.iheartadoption.org/users/pfaffenberger</a></div>
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Hello Blogisphere, Internet, WorldWideWeb, etc.,<br />
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I wanted to just take a quick second and say thank you to all of the people who have offered their support and suggestions as we work up to the one year mark of this blog, and this adoption journey. I noticed that a lot of people have been suggesting agencies and attorneys to us as they learn of our adoption plans. We certainly love and appreciate all of the information, I think it is good to know all of the options. But, it occurred to me that people may not realize that we are already working with an adoption agency out of Indianapolis. I guess we need to make it more obvious on our various online platforms, so here is my attempt! Our agency, the <a href="http://www.adoptionhelp.org/" target="_blank">Independent Adoption Center</a> is nationwide. We feel like we have a pretty good network on our side. Below is a link to our online profile with the <a href="http://www.iheartadoption.org/users/pfaffenberger" target="_blank">Independent Adoption Center</a>. <br />
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A long time ago, we had to weigh the options, educate ourselves about the process and send away for information packets on all types of family planning options (IVF, Surrogacy, clomid, private adoption, law firms, foster care system, and on and on.) Our minds continue to be open and decisions are fluid, but we think we have made the right decision for us and our family right now. </div>
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Right now our adoption goals include: an open adoption plan with an expectant mother & father if possible. These days, the hope is to create a relationship with an expectant mother in the months leading up to the birth of her child. We hope to get to know each other and build a strong foundation of trust, mutual respect, and love. The agency is available to help us on our way, but the relationship is ours to develop. </div>
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We are hoping to adopt an infant from within the United States. We are open to options that include some drug &/or alcohol exposure. We are not limiting on race or ethnicity. If you know of someone, or you yourself are considering adoption, or would like to know more, please contact us, read our online profile or call our agency. Our phone # is below and it rings directly to our cell phones! (pretty cool). The agency number is below as well, if you are just wanting preliminary information or counseling. </div>
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<img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9YwBWUTtkhj22mwoLUilAiu8KhXrpfei5TKgSZJm-_2DOggcGu2-ULFjsnk3q-QfbATN0HjDCOHknLuLDrcddtCs2SCtp5Pui-smf1BmBefvuvi5yXlcIOp1ohUT4DVm1hz2zSX_2qb3B/s1600/Screen+Shot+2014-03-23+at+11.06.29+AM.jpg" height="363" width="640" /><a href="http://www.iheartadoption.org/users/pfaffenberger" target="_blank">http://www.iheartadoption.org/users/pfaffenberger</a></div>
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We have a Facebook page to share information and help network with potential birthparents. We can also be contacted this way. <br />
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<a href="https://www.facebook.com/AWadoption" target="_blank">https://www.facebook.com/AWadoption</a></div>
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We are happy to receive emails as well at our designated adoption email account also!</div>
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All of our decisions have been made after careful consideration and weighing of all options that we feel will work for our family. The best help we can receive at this time is sharing our story, and word of mouth discussions about the great gift of adoption within your personal and professional circles. You never know who is out there looking for an answer to an unplanned pregnancy. We hope to offer the gift of security and love to another family. We know we are ready to love and parent children. We know our family will grow someday! </div>
Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05395780926651626568noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3613555020290525202.post-24315225175481792014-02-11T14:15:00.000-08:002014-02-11T14:15:48.880-08:00In The Meantime <span style="font-size: x-large;">Y</span>es, the waiting process is very hard, but as we've said, we try to keep busy. I wanted to follow up the serious posts with a few of the fun things we've been up to. Some families wait years before matching or finalizing an adoption with their child. We have no clue what the future holds for us, we hope very much that we will not have to wait long, but in the meantime, we have to go on with our lives and stay sane by doing what we do best. We love our jobs, we are ambitious people with an entrepreneurial spirit.<br />
In November and December we worked very hard getting a new photography studio ready for the new year. We kept it a secret from our friends and family and revealed it on Thanksgiving! Adrienne celebrated her birthday with a Grand Opening in January! Check it out!<br />
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Of course we love the holidays. We decorated our tree and our family room. Unfortunately the weather changed so quickly that we never got our outdoor lights up. Our Christmas tree may or may not still be up in our front window. Adrienne made sure to watch all the holiday classics on TV - her favorite being White Christmas. Will and his comedy group put up a hilarious Christmas sketch show called "Waiting Up." Every night was sold out! We got these cute mugs from Adrienne's cousin.</div>
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We went to the Justin Timberlake concert in December as well. Everything is better with JT, am I right? </div>
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We also just got back from a ski trip for Will's work. Will is the adventurous one of the two of us. He did well skiing the slopes, Adrienne took the introductory course and was just happy to not fall!</div>
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We are planning a trip for this spring. We've gotten tickets for one of Adrienne's favorite bands, <a href="http://nickelcreek.com/" target="_blank">Nickel Creek</a>, and hope to make a vacation out of the trip to Chicago!! <br />
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As always, we are hoping for a call or a contact from the right person who is open, ready, and willing to help us complete our family. We hope it happens sooner rather than later. Every day we watch other people parent, some well, and some not so well, and we get more and more eager for our chance. We think we can do a pretty good job. (The state of Indiana concurs.) We just want to be given a chance to do our best. <br />
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Best,<br />
~Adrienne & WillWill Pfaffenbergerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17250585066828589223noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3613555020290525202.post-88632832324723802652014-01-27T08:15:00.001-08:002014-01-27T08:15:25.023-08:00Part II: Dear Birthmother Letter, Approval, Waiting, Cool Stuff for Us, Scammers, and Statistics! Now that you've read about what it was like getting our Dear Birthmother Letter produced, approved, and posted live so that we could officially become available to be selected as adoptive parents through the IAC, let's talk about what that means and what has happened with all of that and us since November.<br />
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We have been live for two, almost three, months now. This means our iheartadoption website/profile is available to be found by potential birthmothers considering adoption and the IAC has a stack of our Dear Birthmother Letter brochures to send out to any mother they do an intake on who matches our adoptive profile. And that's it. This is what they call "The Baby Wait."<br />
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We wait. And while we wait, we pretend like our lives are exactly the same and try not to dwell on how much we really want something to happen. We stay busy. For example, Adrienne decided that it was time to take her photography business out of our house and into it's own commercial space. In November, we found the perfect place in Avon, signed a lease, renovated the entire space in two weeks by ourselves, and revealed the <a href="http://adriennenicolephotography.com/" target="_blank">Adrienne Nicole Photography Studio</a> to our families on Thanksgiving Day. She was unofficially taking photos at her studio in December and just this past weekend had her official grand opening to the public! She had two newspaper articles about it and is picking up clients left and right. For me, it was business as usual - we did all the Smiley Morning Show holiday stuff, Three Dollar Bill Comedy produced another sell out Christmas Show for The IndyFringe Theatre, I finalized plans for <a href="http://unitedsoccerallianceindiana.org/" target="_blank">USA of Indiana's</a> winter soccer training for our travel teams, and made 2014 plans / continued producing The Will Show Podcast / Radio Show. We realized that this adoption thing is going to unfold at its own pace and as much control as we would love to have over the developments, until something happens or there is a break-through of some sort, we just have to keep moving forward with all of our regular ambitions. In fact, we are happy to be busy with all of these things that we love because otherwise we'd be going crazy about there not being many developments on the baby front. We are the type of people who like to go make thin<br />
gs happen, but with adoption, it seems like it pretty much just has to happen to you. We accept that it'll happen when it is supposed to. <br />
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That's not to say nothing has happened! A couple of things have happened. Since going live at the beginning of November, we have had 2 or 3 phone calls to our adoption line, been "selected as a favorite family" on our website two times, and have exchanged emails with one scammer lady in Ohio. All of these leads have essentially amounted to nothing beyond fueling our hope for a short amount of time. It at least confirms the fact that we are findable as a couple looking to adopt. To be fair, we were told that this is how it works - a lot of leads, not a lot of developments. So, we've rolled with those punches, and it really hasn't bothered us that much.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I had the forethought to grab a screen shot during an actual phone call. </td></tr>
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Adrienne took the calls on our adoption line. One was inquiring on behalf of a friend or an acquaintance whom we never heard from again. One was an actual expectant mother who left us a message and never called us back after our attempts to reach her. And, I think one was just a no message hang up. We did find out that our 1-800 number must have been associated with some herbal pill company before it went out of business because we have received a couple of calls from people "lookin' for their pills!"<br />
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From Adrienne: <i>The first time the phone rang, and really every time, I stare at the phone, take inventory of if I have a pen and paper available and if I'm even in a position to speak and give enough time to the phone conversation. It never fails that it rings when I am in the bathroom or have my hands full coming in from the car. I let the first few calls go to voicemail because my heart was beating so fast, I had no clue what to say. Luckily they were wrong numbers or telemarketers. I've since been able to answer the phone and say, "I'm sorry you've got the wrong number, we don't sell vitamins." ha! and at least practice how I will answer. It is definitely nerve-wracking!</i><br />
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As far as being selected as a "favorite family," we have no idea what the implications are for that exactly. It just means we were starred or liked or bookmarked by someone who read our iheartadoption profile online. It could be a real potential birth mom OR it could be a crazy scammer lady like the one we dealt with for one day right before the new year.<br />
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So, here is that story: We received this email in our iheartadoption inbox from this lady, we'll call her "N" from Ohio (as much as we want to call her out, she's obviously going through something to make her want to act like this. Also future potential birth mothers or expectant mothers need not worry). Her note seemed a little odd because it was about two sentences long and offered way too much detail about the pregnancy up front - as if to answer the questions we would have asked next before we asked them. We kind of thought it was fishy, but we entertained the communication as if it were real. We constructed these emails back and forth to establish a rapport and get some more information. We gathered enough info to google her and found out her approximate age and a link to her facebook page. After seeing some strange stuff on her FB and discovering that she was older, we definitely became suspicious, but we continued the email conversation to the point where we asked if the IAC could contact her. She actually said yes! It wasn't five minutes later that we received a phone call from the IAC telling us that this lady was a habitual scammer who had done this to other couples on the iheartadoption site. She apparently does it for the attention or fun or something. I guess she was so good at saying the right things, that in October, she even got so far as to send a fake ultra-sound picture to the IAC as proof of pregnancy for intake. Obviously, she was quickly discovered to be mentally ill, but because she really isn't breaking any laws, this woman is still out there. For us, we decided that it was good practice in constructing casual inviting emails to establish rapport and an important reminder about how careful you need to be when developing these new relationships.<br />
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I guess the last part to talk about are our statistics! That's right! The IAC sends out stats every month about how many of your Dear Birthmother Letters they've sent out and how many matches they have made within the agency. Well, in November, our first month of being live, the IAC sent out... DRUM ROLL PLEASE... 0, yes ZERO, of our letters! Lol! So, not great. All that means is that there were no potential birthmothers within the IAC database who matched our adoptive profile. Maybe December will be better... we still haven't seen those stats. I guess it takes a full month later to get them.<br />
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Oh, one last funny thing! At Thanksgiving, we finally got around to sending thank you notes to everyone who helped us raise our adoption funds in the Spring and Summer of last year through our garage sales and fundraisers and donations. We are happy to say that we made our last payment to our agency in November and have enough left in the adoption account to cover the next payment we have to make when we match with a birthmother in the future. So, sorry for the delay in your note, but we couldn't think of a better time than over Thanksgiving to let you all know how very thankful and appreciative we are of you and your support. We couldn't have gotten this far without many friends and family and acquaintances and kind strangers who have helped. This journey is far from over, but we've come a long way, and it certainly would not have been possible without all of you.<br />
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AND... if you know someone who is pregnant and considering adoption, send them our way this year! You'll get a bigger card for that. Will Pfaffenbergerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17250585066828589223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3613555020290525202.post-87225881835241991912014-01-22T14:37:00.001-08:002014-01-22T15:39:14.046-08:00Part I: Dear Birthmother Letter, Approval, Waiting, Cool Stuff for Us, Scammers, and Statistics! Okay! We're back with our quarterly update! LOL. Sorry about our blog deficiency! We are lagging bloggers. Our intentions for this were far more ambitious, and we intended to immediately update you all on every little detail as it happened. But man! Some of these steps are so drawn out and you work so hard to get them completed that the last thing you want to do is rehash them immediately in writing. The end of 2013 was really busy for us in a lot of great ways (which we'll update you on as well!), but we totally procrastinated on our adoption blogging. But now, here's what you've all been waiting for - an update from October 2013 to NOW (MLK Day 2014) - a day we both have off to catch up!<br />
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At the end of the last entry, I said I would talk about our experience writing our Dear Birthmother Letter. We probably didn't want to write about it then because we were so OVER the whole process. This was, by far, the most frustrating step so far... not because it is hard to create, but because of the process the agency has in place to get it approved. In case you don't know, the Dear Birthmother Letter is basically a produced brochure displaying how wonderful and great and fun and responsible and loving you are. It is a quick overview and look into your life to demonstrate the kind of great home and parenting you could give a child. The agency keeps many copies of this brochure on file and sends it out to potential birthmothers who match your adoptive profile (the adoptive profile is a set of criteria you have defined for the type of baby and mother you are looking for: health, race, religion, drug-use, etc.). One final catch to this: you are not live on the website or considered as an available couple to be selected for adoption through the agency until this letter is done and approved! SO… <br />
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Outside of blogging, we are pretty efficient, quick-turnaround, proactive, A-type, task-accomplishing personalities. We do not suffer delay and inefficiency very well. (Unless we're busy catching up on all seasons of Game of Thrones or American Pickers, or Pawn Stars, or Downton Abbey, or… well, I digress). When we decide to do something, we dig in and do it right away, and we do our best to do it well. So, the first half of writing this letter where we had control of the timeline and effort went well very for us. We sat down with the IAC's binder, it showed us an outline with the sections we had to write toward with some specific wording guidelines and tips, we split up the writing duties, wrote our first drafts, traded, proof read, edited, emulated other Dear Birthmother Letters we liked, and after several rounds of that, together we honed this letter down to the 950 word document with 10-12 pictures that we would now submit to the IAC's editor. Now, keep in mind, we did our entire first draft over the course of two evenings at the beginning of September - almost immediately after our home study was approved. And in our minds we were like, "WE GOT THIS! We're going to be live on the website before October!"<br />
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Some of our favorite images from the cutting room floor.</div>
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Apparently sunglasses and helmets are frowned upon! :)</div>
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NOW, this is where it gets hairy... The IAC has one letter editor. He is based at the IAC headquarters in California. We were told and also read that each time you submit a draft to the IAC editor, he will take a week to get back to you with notes and revisions. So, we knew up front that we wanted to submit a nearly perfect first draft to expedite the process. We hoped for only one or two rounds and felt that two or three weeks to get approval was a fair estimate for producing a document in the digital age of communication and production. We understood that it was worth the wait to receive professional insight to crafting our language and design to be the most appealing and effective to potential birthmothers. After all, we are marketing ourselves, and this editor, we're told, knows how to do this best. So, we submitted our first draft letter and pictures via a dropbox account at the beginning of September. We agreed to immediately make any suggested changes right away and resubmit as quickly as possible after receiving feedback. Our thought was that an immediate edit and response would, in some way, quicken the editor's timeline on the other end. We would reset our week clock as soon as possible and maybe be the beneficiaries of quicker feedback or approval. <br />
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Well, we discovered that the IAC editor takes every single bit of the week turn-around to offer feedback. We are talking end-of-business Pacific Time on a Friday evening no matter what day of the previous week you submitted. But, it was probably going to be worth the wait, right? Well, a week later, what we thought was going to be some revelatory edits and suggestions ended up being only one or two suggestions for consolidating sections and titling one section differently. It wasn't revelatory and definitely didn't take a week to write the feedback, but we guess it was good because the time we took to write it right the first time paid off. So, no real edits, just re-organization. That was easy! Within five minutes of receiving his email, we resubmitted our second draft with everything corrected from his two suggestions. In fact, we completed it so fast, we naively thought that he might've even still been looking at his email. MAYBE JUST MAYBE he would even give us the thumbs up that same night seeing as how it took us less than 5 minutes to respond - he might just quickly go in, see that we made the corrections, and say we were good to go. <br />
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NOPE. Cut to the end of business Pacific Time that next Friday. Approved. Seven more days for a simple approval. Now we are basically two and a half weeks into this process since we finished our first draft. It may be our own personal problem that we are frustrated by delays like this, but for the feedback we received, it was hard for us to comprehend why it took so long. I get that he is one guy for many couples doing this, but I still chuckle at the idea of telling people in this day and age that it'll take seven days for me to do anything let alone correct two sentences. "Hey Will, can you cut the promos for tomorrow?" "Sure, I'll have tomorrow's promos to you in seven days. Sound good?" "But in seven days, tomorrow will be like six yesterdays ago." <br />
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And this wasn't the end of the process. We still had to get the DESIGN (graphics, colors, layout, fonts, etc.) of our letter approved by the same editor. Luckily, Adrienne had been working on that the whole time while we were waiting for our language and pictures to be approved. SO, the same Friday that we got our language and pictures approved, we immediately submitted our fully designed letter. Same deal - the same hour we received the editor's email, we submitted our full design back to him. <br />
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You guessed it. Cut to the end of business Pacific Time that next Friday. 3 weeks now - we are in October at this point. Again, the editor made just a couple of suggestions that were mainly subjective in nature - nothing that really seemed to indicate that once fixed would be more appealing to a prospective birthmother. I guess we were hoping for some expert insight based on historic data or research or experience like, "We've found that these color combinations along with this font style and layout seem to generate more positive feelings and matches in expectant mothers." Even though the feedback wasn't that detailed, we felt good that the edits were easy for us to correct. We faithfully made the suggested corrections and resubmitted. Same night. <br />
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So, we didn't get an email that next Friday. And this is the end of the 4th week. Remember, we thought that we would be done with this, approved, live on the website, and be an available couple to be chosen by a birthmother by the beginning of October. No such luck. On this particular Friday, we discovered that the editor had left for vacation during the week and was going to be gone for a week. GEEZ. Cut to Friday of the 5th week. No email. Finally, at the beginning of the next week - this is the start of week 6 - we received an email that said that our design had been approved and that we needed to print a proof for our local agency representative. Yes! Finally. Sort of.<br />
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The printing process could have also been complicated had we used the online company that was recommended in the binder. It was going to take a full week to send one proof and then another two or three weeks to receive the 50 copies we needed to send to the IAC headquarters in California. I'll spare you the details, but luckily we found a local printer here in Avon - <a href="http://www.rogersmp.com/" target="_blank">Rogers Marketing and Printing</a> - that printed a proof in one afternoon. We dropped that proof off at our local IAC agency the next day. Within the week, it was approved. We immediately had Rogers print 100 copies which they easily completed in one day. I overnight shipped them to the Central Letters office at The IAC. By the 7th week, we were approved by the IAC to finish our iheartadoption profile. By the 8th week, we finally received the email that said we were live on the website and now available to be matched with a birthmother through the agency. SO, after two months of letter writing, one month of home study and the approval process, and one month of workshops / collecting and submitting personal data to the agency, we were finally actually really truly available to adopt a baby at the beginning of November! I can't tell you how excited and relieved we were to read that email. <br />
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<span style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><a href="http://www.iheartadoption.org/sites/default/files/pdf/14689.pdf" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdeBKQ5WLwRXwAT-FpRGW5jIv3qE6AhCHLN3WIxFLd8691okzmZS2F8CDEnyl9EqfoPGgJAgL7_JjOXiMojHqW2Sck3ZQXCq3GsFk41jZ9_fSBotdjze4GYZ7Kw5vw3cz1oAae-aDb6ic/s1600/photo+1.JPG" height="200" width="150" /></a> <a href="http://www.iheartadoption.org/sites/default/files/pdf/14689.pdf" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-eaPrAVsJmpaBcjVbN_as0KyJpd_l86sptBIYKYfz2-ZpD5UqS3RJtr0LNKp_gpvbKkpl9xdC-zUU7OhV2bGKh4XF0w5iAJ8d-sksiSpTpZKaU5_c77HE8Po4svta3wBUH8_G4CLcvq4/s1600/photo+3.JPG" height="200" width="150" /></a><span style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><a href="http://www.iheartadoption.org/sites/default/files/pdf/14689.pdf" target="_blank"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7B4ZJuKvBoV-Z79ay-OcxT-KM-Ue-VcTHsGUU8axZEu47rxs0Xn-JmKntngsq4MelM0WyuklmsakjRL28SjqOkGtlxoNMKWO1GsnqD-3oa1VvTr2VePteJr9X6XC21IGJHmEIdr3ldDA/s1600/photo+4.JPG" height="200" width="150" /></a></span></span></div>
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Now the IAC would tell you that being live in 4 months from your workshops is relatively fast. I would tell you that, for people like us who really tried to do everything to expedite the process, found it to be a real test in patience. But now it is all done, we're live, and you can see the finished products here:<br />
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<a href="http://www.iheartadoption.org/users/pfaffenberger">http://www.iheartadoption.org/users/pfaffenberger</a><br />
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I apologize that this particular entry had maybe a negative vibe to it, but we made the choice to be as honest as possible about going through this process. At the beginning, a lot of people said this whole thing could be frustrating and challenging at times. We felt some of that here, that's all. It was more of a self-imposed frustration of wanting things to develop more quickly than it was the system not working as we were told the system would most likely work. There are many more variables in play than we ever realized and nothing is as simple as it may appear to be. There's not just a big room full of babies somewhere just waiting to be picked up by good people. Everything has to line up just right, and we are learning that this could take awhile for that to happen. But, we just roll with with punches, keep ourselves busy, and hope 2014 will be the year we add to our family. <br />
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Check out Part II of this update, where we will write about what it means to "be live" and tell you a couple of stories about calls and emails we received from potential birthmothers. This will be the more positive part that includes "Cool Stuff For Us, Scammers, and Statistics." Will Pfaffenbergerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17250585066828589223noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3613555020290525202.post-26237887907893087062013-10-03T10:27:00.000-07:002013-10-03T11:08:41.505-07:00So...This Happened: Vol. II: The Home Study - by Will<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg00u9_RTBkDjvow0c3gLfBeENo7tRuEycV2lBz8C0WP1EEtrz9Da29MbYJwnwGtRabyrglKnaRC7EJJGKjq80OIdwAgqAjrpXJF0G40tRkQIXE-fwkIlg93VRP3RhxK-AlQor0jTYSupA/s1600/Adoption+paperwork+photo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg00u9_RTBkDjvow0c3gLfBeENo7tRuEycV2lBz8C0WP1EEtrz9Da29MbYJwnwGtRabyrglKnaRC7EJJGKjq80OIdwAgqAjrpXJF0G40tRkQIXE-fwkIlg93VRP3RhxK-AlQor0jTYSupA/s320/Adoption+paperwork+photo.jpg" width="320" /></a>So, you saw all those documents on our
kitchen table in our previous post, right? If not, the picture is to the right there. We gathered all of that
background-checking, health-screening, and weird stuff we didn't even
know existed detailing all the intimate parts of our lives all in an
effort to set up our home study. Yes – THE HOME STUDY. This is
where a social worker comes to your house to make sure you aren't
crazy people living in filth. I mean they verify that you are a
stable loving couple with a healthy home that can support the
addition of a child. The Home Study is technically the only
state-mandated legal process a family must go through in order to
adopt - so everyone, no matter if you are with an agency, law firm,
or going independent, has to have a home study!
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I believe we have already told you
about the questionnaires that we had to fill out before this could
happen. We had to write about our relationship, our childhoods, our
anticipated parenting style, and our feelings about adoption. So, as
it turns out, the social worker who performs the home study receives
those answers and then uses that information to plan their in-home
interview with you.
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY04BWuNhSnVh-DhOxa-AN0eHVPO90XDXbdjCJ9laxDDpfZy0WCtUVK-d4SpU_JIjsQSxYrqqiSiqcswy5d6xN96QIkx14GHWfsOgR7QAQeNLu2EV4xOf6cjct089uT-Jt62pqzSM3Tw0/s1600/c.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY04BWuNhSnVh-DhOxa-AN0eHVPO90XDXbdjCJ9laxDDpfZy0WCtUVK-d4SpU_JIjsQSxYrqqiSiqcswy5d6xN96QIkx14GHWfsOgR7QAQeNLu2EV4xOf6cjct089uT-Jt62pqzSM3Tw0/s320/c.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja1HBW1YKAggPPHLNHy31JuvEA9-jEGF2PFwQAZCitZivBJTBC3Sr2YBCS4HtfsD7-dDrwQiXhULjUwD2_qkJF1mEFI8YHJ_KNoez3Qwm_puJ5TEg9IZNAmMjTae9LlbylDODYnORpasI/s1600/a.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja1HBW1YKAggPPHLNHy31JuvEA9-jEGF2PFwQAZCitZivBJTBC3Sr2YBCS4HtfsD7-dDrwQiXhULjUwD2_qkJF1mEFI8YHJ_KNoez3Qwm_puJ5TEg9IZNAmMjTae9LlbylDODYnORpasI/s200/a.jpeg" width="150" /></a>But before that, THERE WAS THE
CLEANING. Oh yes, they say don't worry about your house being
perfect, BUT come on, we wanted our house to be as perfect as we
could make it. Why not try to look really great, and spotless, and
fresh, and Martha Stewarty (pre-jail) for the social worker who is
deciding whether or not you are fit to bring home a baby? There are
also things the agency said we needed to have in place LIKE: a fire
extinguisher on each level and a carbon monoxide detector. Also guns
had to be locked up (we have none, check) and absolutely no torture
dungeons (we walled that up, check). Here's the sweet part about
doing a massive clean like that – we are still riding that wave 60
days-ish later. Nice! My office hasn't looked cleaner. My office's
closet has...before I moved all the clutter that was in my office
into it for the big clean. Sorry closet, you hide dark terrible
clutter secrets inside you better.
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2LXDdngnZD0fh4DPDZL7e_EU_ySaTzHqVdrS-QXB1zPM2eKDMGhB03-w-XqZsjbyt2xe78M6niWiyCUH3ZLyuVjtxdph36UHDFWoOw1ylMgnxw6joV9wKMjbdtq8hhWeR2UoBgQOgOao/s1600/e.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2LXDdngnZD0fh4DPDZL7e_EU_ySaTzHqVdrS-QXB1zPM2eKDMGhB03-w-XqZsjbyt2xe78M6niWiyCUH3ZLyuVjtxdph36UHDFWoOw1ylMgnxw6joV9wKMjbdtq8hhWeR2UoBgQOgOao/s200/e.jpeg" width="150" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Terrible clutter closet!</td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsMF_LQIAG-1a-oeal-qT1r-2A8SJArRWib1LnaCfRo9rVgcLuVZsQ89pVFa7mZUatBXn2tSXKyZxybonQfRPTMh47gKPiR5ou9iHP2MX3K4QZcNKG0MK8eG5CfvYBOKO_lWQkUZhHjFY/s1600/b.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsMF_LQIAG-1a-oeal-qT1r-2A8SJArRWib1LnaCfRo9rVgcLuVZsQ89pVFa7mZUatBXn2tSXKyZxybonQfRPTMh47gKPiR5ou9iHP2MX3K4QZcNKG0MK8eG5CfvYBOKO_lWQkUZhHjFY/s200/b.jpeg" width="150" /></a>So, the big day came for the in-home
social worker interview on SATURDAY AUGUST 3rd. And it was totally
casual and cool. Our social worker's name was Pam, and she couldn't
have been more chill. We all sat down at our kitchen table and
essentially talked for half an hour rehashing the questions from our
questionnaires. It was actually kind of fun. Super easy, no sweat.
Pam basically said that they like to watch you answer the questions
in person and with each other to make sure no one is giving off any
weird vibes (paraphrased). Weird vibes like: “crazy liars,”
“uncomfortable relationship,” “terrible people,” etc... I
also made up all of those categories. The social worker is just
there to make sure that all of the information and answers you offered in
your questionnaires lines up and that you can interact positively
with people. The last thing she did was take a brief tour of our
house. She did look in every room (except for you terrible clutter
secret office closet, SHWEW). It was fun for us to show her the
room that will become the nursery! It already had a few baby things
in it that we might have swiped from our own garage sale donations.
Don't judge us. And, Pam did notice our new fire extinguishers and
carbon monoxide detector. Oh yeah! We have the safest house
ever...is what I imagine she was thinking the entire time. Totally.
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1i0P_b06gMWUi6dQl15csAN4rJVkLeeNuslb59RiskL5t1g_fqPlOlhvUFfPPh4r7QqrlyWOiZGxijYQBZ4FpYKRXS_hjvqd70GyfEfNb-ZX1M513HK2nt_QzDjrKQ-BT3NSfH9RkR9c/s1600/d.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1i0P_b06gMWUi6dQl15csAN4rJVkLeeNuslb59RiskL5t1g_fqPlOlhvUFfPPh4r7QqrlyWOiZGxijYQBZ4FpYKRXS_hjvqd70GyfEfNb-ZX1M513HK2nt_QzDjrKQ-BT3NSfH9RkR9c/s320/d.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nursery room with stolen baby donations. :)</td></tr>
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So she left telling us that it would
take her two weeks to write her report, two weeks for the agency to
review, and another week or two for the state to approve it. If
you're doing that math, that is several weeks. By SATURDAY AUGUST
31<sup>st</sup>, we received a certificate of home study approval for
Andrew Joplin and Will Jenkins – a very awesome gay couple who are
also with the IAC who we were very happy to see also had an approved
home study. But yeah, not the right certificate for us obviously.
They put the wrong one in our packet – the rest of the study was
our information. We just got a corrected certificate a couple of
weeks later. The certificate is really just a memento – nothing
official official. So, it only took 4ish weeks to totally complete our home
study! We are officially approved to receive a child into our home legally and
everything! Now we are on the clock too. Your home study only lasts a
year. Tick Tock. Time to find a birthmother... but alas, more work
to be done before we can officially “be found.”<br />
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We gotta get our
“Dear Birthmother Letter” finished! (Our next post will be ALL ABOUT THAT...)</div>
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Will Pfaffenbergerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17250585066828589223noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3613555020290525202.post-87171223082368551102013-10-02T18:33:00.002-07:002013-10-02T18:56:39.997-07:00So... This Happened: Vol. I: Eclectic Fundraising<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">I</span>t has been a little while since we last posted, and A LOT has happened. So much so, it's hard to even remember where we started from. We are going to roll out several new blog posts over the next few days to update you on all of the different changes and news on the adoption front. <br />
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<li>More Garage Sales and Fundraisers</li>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk5Ehjs0eiEpqbV_rJeSwWr_iMz2u3oxEfbOkwmM7Ob0DJE5TEr6C-JObGFwuxI20yGfG9iKjRc1VyuOCpZdt6lJk8QmFqc4cgvebxJCcAKKXt_vmNOVRqr7EoGljvAJy-deD9Vayq640/s1600/996527_10151796714301457_1354151568_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="148" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhk5Ehjs0eiEpqbV_rJeSwWr_iMz2u3oxEfbOkwmM7Ob0DJE5TEr6C-JObGFwuxI20yGfG9iKjRc1VyuOCpZdt6lJk8QmFqc4cgvebxJCcAKKXt_vmNOVRqr7EoGljvAJy-deD9Vayq640/s200/996527_10151796714301457_1354151568_n.jpg" width="200" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiATZg1nnCUKAa_E4N9m3x8PjBdEbwMc_SHJBBQLuOfj7DrE0mNvbivNCRg7VgFF0U5tnA8Fyyi6_cfjo1kLydrD2c-5k_V7viBYjfDI1DdE9P_lEt3ZhyphenhyphenQNvwOZifD4VQC29DjIZi2gBA/s1600/546773_10151796714401457_1697736294_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="148" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiATZg1nnCUKAa_E4N9m3x8PjBdEbwMc_SHJBBQLuOfj7DrE0mNvbivNCRg7VgFF0U5tnA8Fyyi6_cfjo1kLydrD2c-5k_V7viBYjfDI1DdE9P_lEt3ZhyphenhyphenQNvwOZifD4VQC29DjIZi2gBA/s200/546773_10151796714401457_1697736294_n.jpg" width="200" /></a>The month of July was insanely busy. Besides the fact that I started a new job, we were busy fundraising. We had a "last hurrah sale"of the summer in July at the last minute when Will's sister told us her new neighborhood was having a sale. So yet again we carted all of the contents of our garage, plus a few new items we had picked up, over for another long and hot weekend in the garage! I know we say it alot, but we have been so blessed with amazing friends, and their generous donations, as well as great weather for these sales which has helped. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuRA6Bey0reyuyyPFMk18huYTWpTmn_AX4fLQ9Dm6AjX61vCzmkZgaOtZvLyU1S0PRCG3aGPponkvFW0JIYvkBXVjTBmz-h1uwkMwsnCNUCxsYjFkyWHjanFzgK-Gv4OAUssWcJ18mYK8/s1600/1016588_750593966928_388977694_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuRA6Bey0reyuyyPFMk18huYTWpTmn_AX4fLQ9Dm6AjX61vCzmkZgaOtZvLyU1S0PRCG3aGPponkvFW0JIYvkBXVjTBmz-h1uwkMwsnCNUCxsYjFkyWHjanFzgK-Gv4OAUssWcJ18mYK8/s320/1016588_750593966928_388977694_n.jpg" width="238" /></a>I also had an old friend from high school contact me and offer to hold a Lia Sophia Jewelry party with proceeds donated to our account. So I had some family and work friends over for snacks while we played dress up. I bought a few of their pieces and wear them a lot now. </div>
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Finally toward the end of the month, we were asked by a friend of Will's, Daron Earlewine, to be guests at an event he hosts in town called Pub Theology. That week they were at the Stacked Pickle in Fishers. Pub Theology is a grassroots mission to bring church to people where they are every day - restaurants, bars, etc. They have music and a message. Daron asked us to share our story and our journey so far. They took up a collection for us which we did not expect! You can read more about our visit <span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: none; color: black;"><a href="http://pubtheologyindy.com/news/2013/6/26/test-post-4" target="_blank">here</a></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: none; color: black;">. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: none;">It was a little nerve-wracking for someone like me, who leave's the limelight and speaking to Will, to stand up in front of a bunch of strangers who thought they were just coming for dinner and tell them our trials and tribulations. But it ended up being very cool, and several people from the audience shared their adoption stories as well. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: none;"> </span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTSYA0Qin9Y1m2ZA75sURTLYQi5ZFQdrlN9gGzNdiRJKStN6t8JDxtu3IRSkFw34bzx1voSBI2ropzHL78P2Yiqbt7GjgELd09QS5oWEMzVfahZayp-O5kNqhEdw29RPG_u_8gUmk9YuY/s1600/1005598_753353861078_1082035479_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTSYA0Qin9Y1m2ZA75sURTLYQi5ZFQdrlN9gGzNdiRJKStN6t8JDxtu3IRSkFw34bzx1voSBI2ropzHL78P2Yiqbt7GjgELd09QS5oWEMzVfahZayp-O5kNqhEdw29RPG_u_8gUmk9YuY/s200/1005598_753353861078_1082035479_n.jpg" width="149" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiih-bsqiIey0yNxT1ZNJANyjyuHsfL596_cDoX3DPvYCXiK2uN-nXp9UHsrLlWFQLms8oYPCQyaghre4hQkkGAAGIHm1Xpvq5TB6bWSDp-UfVmN2HHuQpAuLK2ymsyemN8HTTYWBH4f9M/s1600/pub.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiih-bsqiIey0yNxT1ZNJANyjyuHsfL596_cDoX3DPvYCXiK2uN-nXp9UHsrLlWFQLms8oYPCQyaghre4hQkkGAAGIHm1Xpvq5TB6bWSDp-UfVmN2HHuQpAuLK2ymsyemN8HTTYWBH4f9M/s200/pub.jpg" width="200" /></a>We are excited to say have raised just about all of the money we are committed to spend directly with the agency. There will be additional expenses once there is an actual birthmother and potential baby. Suffice it to say we are still fundraising. We are so grateful that our community and friends have shared this journey with us. We are still in the early stages, and most of this stuff is formality and legality, but we are just now beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel and imagine an actual baby being the end result of all of this work. It really has been a cool journey. We have heard stories from people we never would have otherwise met, and experienced what we already knew - we have the best friends and family on the planet! We had several friends and distant relatives offer personal donations as well. </div>
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Oh yeah, how could I forget Marlys Pedigo and Connie Leak, who offered to put our "ad" / poster in their program for Avon's Distinguished Young women event as a gesture of good will and support of our cause! <br />
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Continue checking back all this week for more updates and sequels to the story! Wait till you hear Will's version of the social worker visit! </div>
Will Pfaffenbergerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17250585066828589223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3613555020290525202.post-4573375431420126712013-07-11T13:37:00.000-07:002013-07-11T13:37:21.895-07:00Please Share our Number! <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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As you can see above, we are now ready to receive calls from a birthmother! Feel free to share our toll free number with anyone you know who may be pregnant and considering adoption. All calls will be private, confidential, and relaxed.</div>
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Will Pfaffenbergerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17250585066828589223noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3613555020290525202.post-59867689269598354572013-07-06T13:06:00.000-07:002013-07-06T13:06:13.739-07:00It's Getting Real! Agency, Workshop, and Real Adoption Work! <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">A</span>drienne and I took a week of vacation so that we could officially join the agency that we decided to go with - The Independent Adoption Center. After a two day workshop on Friday and Saturday, we are off and running with the real work of adoption. We signed our contract with the agency, wrote a couple of a large checks, and in only two days after our workshop, were able to collect and complete the massive amount of paperwork and checks and screens and records and physicals etc. that we need so that we can be approved to have our homestudy scheduled. Check out the picture - Adrienne has labeled all the pre-paperwork we had to complete even before they would consider scheduling a homestudy. (This doesn't include the paperwork we had to fill out as an initial application including all of our financial information.)</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrKkusnzetHAsCybt320m5GbXY-UhhooS5dMtOKTT0zKQ5NDEaatgDjuDHf0wihYBWInZtZ-8rHIA7JmlSXKDvWheKmGq-Z8JyggNkP4_PoeBPUIkf9sDbCODSq4lzB-ETFKiNvLQz8Dg/s1600/Adoption+paperwork+photo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="425" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrKkusnzetHAsCybt320m5GbXY-UhhooS5dMtOKTT0zKQ5NDEaatgDjuDHf0wihYBWInZtZ-8rHIA7JmlSXKDvWheKmGq-Z8JyggNkP4_PoeBPUIkf9sDbCODSq4lzB-ETFKiNvLQz8Dg/s640/Adoption+paperwork+photo.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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If you don't know, a homestudy is the official screening process where a social worker comes to your home and determines whether or not you have a suitable house, stable family-life, and a healthy marriage or relationship in order to raise a child. The guidelines they gave us? "Don't have a dungeon, lock up your guns and ammo separately, and if you have a pool be sure it is secure." Easy enough - we don't have any of those things. Although, I have no doubt that we will also do a massive blitz cleaning and hide the cat box or something. Oh yeah, that's the other thing, they meet your animals to make sure they aren't total animal jerks. Maybe we'll have some propofol snausages on stand by for Dizzy (our hyperactive beagle) - not that she's a jerk, but just to keep her mellow. PS, we don't really have access to propofol and we're not even sure what a "snausage" is. </div>
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Another interesting piece that comes along with the homestudy are these questionnaires about your own childhood, your marriage, and thoughts on becoming and being a parent. Adrienne and I had to fill these out separately, and when we completed them, we read our answers to each other. Not that I'm surprised, but it was pretty amazing and reassuring to see how closely we aligned when it came to our thoughts on how to be parents and what we wanted to provide for a child. It was a pretty touching moment that we weren't expecting - to actually read our answers to each other. I guess the social worker who completes the homestudy will use these questionnaires to interview us together and separately on the day of our homestudy. </div>
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The last thing I want to tell you is something we discovered at the end of our first day of the workshop: while the IAC (our agency) will help us write and put together a great "Dear Birthmother Letter" to send to their database of birthmothers and also build us an adoptive parent profile website that will be added to their networking sites, Adrienne and I can begin reaching out to potential birthmothers now. The IAC will do everything to match us with a potential birthmother through their processes and procedures, but Adrienne and I can do our own marketing and networking too. Simply, we could find a birthmother on our own as well. We have already set up a toll free number: 1-888-410-3526 - that women who are pregnant and considering adoption can call to talk to us. This is the thing: while we have an agency who will support us in many ways with health vetting, counseling, legal procedures, and hospital plans, ultimately, the birthmother and adoptive parents lay the ground work no matter how we find each other. So, we are prepared now to find our future birthmother, and if you can help with that as part of our very important network, please pass along our number: 1-888-410-3526! Which is 1-888-410-ELBO if that helps somehow. Probably not, since ELBO isn't a word, but it's better than nothing! We just thought it was funny because we could've paid a lot of extra money for a vanity 1-800 number that spelled "adopt" or "baby," but I guess we are too practical. So, hey, if you have elbows, don't have 'em, or are just a fan, think of our adoption number! :) </div>
Will Pfaffenbergerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17250585066828589223noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3613555020290525202.post-4104821572099090372013-06-18T16:25:00.003-07:002013-06-18T16:25:37.519-07:00For Love and Coffee<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://justlovecoffee.com/about/beneficiary/AWbaby/" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img border="0" height="106" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjKdgyhq-8r6B4dnv0EeYL81992zr_WVb72gUfgCROY4aS6xmjegZ2zeBrL1qCvqpdxUg_GNqhMthfXVZS_YmSMyhazJe9MLW-qWYohPU7iI8lhJzitW7WtiX2IhWEQaz4s7nvHzIn4UTH/s320/JustLoveCoffee-Logo-NoTag.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">W</span>hen you think of meeting with friends, catching up, or just hanging out, let's be honest, what do you usually do at the same time...eat or drink. My husband and I love having people over to the house to hang out on the back porch by the fire, roast marshmallows, drink wine and make coffee or hot chocolate for guests. Food and beverage always seem to bring people together. When I heard that there was a fundraising plan involving coffee, I thought that sounded like a great option to offer to our friends and family. So many people drink coffee, and so many people love to try gourmet or boutique versions that this company seems like a perfect match. Even if you don't drink coffee, maybe you have a friends that does, and it does smell good :). We would love for you to try some products from our personal storefront at <a href="https://justlovecoffee.com/about/beneficiary/AWbaby/" target="_blank">"Just Love Coffee Roasters"</a><span style="color: black;">, our latest partner in our adoption journey. </span> <br />
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This company was founded on great principals and strives for quality in their coffee. You can purchase organic, sustainable, fair trade products and support a great cause as well. They say it best themselves: <br />
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The Mission of Just Love Coffee</span></h2>
<i>"At Just Love Coffee Roasters, our mission is to bring out the unique
qualities inherent in each coffee bean. We do this by taking a
small-batch artisan approach to all of our specialty coffees. We don’t
use automation or computers during the roast process, but instead
carefully roast every batch to perfection using smell, sight, sound,
touch, and taste. We’re always searching for the best Fair Trade,
organic, and shade-grown coffee beans available.</i><br />
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And as passionate as we are about creating outstanding artisan coffees,
we are equally passionate about helping those in need. Every delectable
cup of Just Love Coffee you drink has a portion of its proceeds go to
someone who could use a helping hand. In our first two years of business
we have given over $200,000 to adopting families, non-profit
organizations, and the arts. "</i><br />
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So, if you're looking for something different or are adventurous with your coffee (not just sticking to the local Starbucks) We would love for you to try Just Love Coffee. They are very open and transparent on their website about how the fundraising proceeds are set aside: <br />
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What are the Proceed Amounts?</span></h2>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpK2QMjbSFNjALj9NixGAg7Gwyy00CyhEVdm670tagRxT9YecA2lmQ_v5Q_VMcxxKFLzLIwkOueQ0bABsxhd81lJFIpbjfccgb43CkOYp1Fuok91dS7KAPFePzXYCxViMTyw4X0NMj3r1E/s1600/Art-Grid.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhpK2QMjbSFNjALj9NixGAg7Gwyy00CyhEVdm670tagRxT9YecA2lmQ_v5Q_VMcxxKFLzLIwkOueQ0bABsxhd81lJFIpbjfccgb43CkOYp1Fuok91dS7KAPFePzXYCxViMTyw4X0NMj3r1E/s320/Art-Grid.jpg" width="266" /></a></div>
13oz. Coffees (non-small lot): $5<br />
8oz. Coffee (non-small lot): $3.50<br />
Tastes of Africa (4) 8oz. Sampler: $7<br />
Tour of The World (4) 8oz. Sampler: $7<br />
Coffee Cupper's (11) 8oz. Sampler: $19<br />
Jamaica Blue Mountain (small lot): 4oz. ($3) 13oz. ($9)<br />
Special Blend–I Love Mom: $5<br />
Special Blend–Pinky Beans (Available in October only): $0<br />
T-Shirts: $5<br />
Sale T-Shirts: $3<br />
Sale Hoodie: $4<br />
Beanie: $3<br />
Hat: $3<br />
Stoneware Mug: $2<br />
16oz. Steel Tumbler: $2<br />
Aeropress: $5<br />
Aeropress Microfilters: $.25<br />
Coffee Scoop: $1<br />
Chemex Brewer: $3<br />
Chemex Filters: $0<br />
LaMarzocco Espresso Machine: $0<br />
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If you can't remember these links, you can always bookmark them and come back to them when you're interested in making a purchase. Thanks again!!<br />
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~Adrienne and Will<br />
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<br />Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05395780926651626568noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3613555020290525202.post-24672821987986037942013-06-16T09:48:00.000-07:002013-06-16T09:48:24.333-07:00These Past Few Weeks! <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_65c60kDfow9qds47TpHnlHDXf8NZuqJoSehn6xexPtoROj0ZcxAQkUGgg5Gbji_a2KuvBe1zbel-8BrWaf-mDGYmxPOH-vjs_z6XOYyJl4Mb0CxFA3S65hBoGe-Nt4lkisuFMt77L9Q/s1600/IMG_1166.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_65c60kDfow9qds47TpHnlHDXf8NZuqJoSehn6xexPtoROj0ZcxAQkUGgg5Gbji_a2KuvBe1zbel-8BrWaf-mDGYmxPOH-vjs_z6XOYyJl4Mb0CxFA3S65hBoGe-Nt4lkisuFMt77L9Q/s400/IMG_1166.JPG" width="400" /></a><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">P</span>hew! What an exausting and fruitful 3 weeks! We have made it through alive! We are both very excited at the progress we've made toward our fundraising goals. We have been collecting donations for about a month. We started with the plan of just having one weekend of garage sales, but we quickly realized that we had way too much stuff - it barely fit in our garage- and needed some extra days to sell. Luckily Stephanie (Adrienne's sister) and Pam's (Adrienne's mom) neighborhoods both had community sales that we joined in on. We moved heavy furniture and probably asked too many favors of friends and family members (borrowing pick up trucks, packing and unpacking boxes, storing stuff in their garages). So thank you immensely for your help! Also big Thank You to both of our moms and sisters for sitting with us during each sale. Adrienne finally came to terms with selling her high school car - A Chrysler Sebring Convertible. It went to a very happy and appreciative home - but a little sad none the less. But hey, selling it helped us take a big step towards our goal, so have a sweet new life convertible!<br /> <br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh83tkJ7SetyBz1YuNw30mLPF23EQU5B2kxcI111EjNwm6DTOlFM2XJa0dQ8G1o2Ff9xZlyyZkmSS-vTpghAy3JPDMDd209-h_U2by-FFOj3CtzbLPAFkDeg13EHrsfjaoQ2QY0zsJQtII/s1600/photo-4.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh83tkJ7SetyBz1YuNw30mLPF23EQU5B2kxcI111EjNwm6DTOlFM2XJa0dQ8G1o2Ff9xZlyyZkmSS-vTpghAy3JPDMDd209-h_U2by-FFOj3CtzbLPAFkDeg13EHrsfjaoQ2QY0zsJQtII/s400/photo-4.JPG" width="400" /></a>A huge thank you goes out to all of YOU who came out and supported us, who bought items you needed, wanted, or didn't really need :). We even had some anonymous donations given to us along the way. We managed to have productive sales every day despite rain, heat, early mornings etc. It was pretty stressful at times to get everything moved to 3 different households in 3 weeks and set up and be ready for sales to start early every Friday and Saturday. We just had to keep remembering our end goal and try to make the best of every tough situation. <br /><br />Now that we've had some time to relax afterward, we can appreciate how good it feels to reap the rewards of hard work. We also have heard so many encouraging stories from so many families who have adopted, who are adopted, who are trying to adopt as well, or who are birthparents.<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2XHeSuqqIOCigEPFWv1yOlb_Mfg4Q6EZsXfrkSMfYXuja0N9FHiRp-QeaoAE-h6Yd62AQZZpBFplxZ1hSiiu6yf5_YWMc9KY4MFDCTVlLiw-nbVpCzchbf9a2MPIrrD70FBQ_eKgQhoE/s1600/photo-5.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi2XHeSuqqIOCigEPFWv1yOlb_Mfg4Q6EZsXfrkSMfYXuja0N9FHiRp-QeaoAE-h6Yd62AQZZpBFplxZ1hSiiu6yf5_YWMc9KY4MFDCTVlLiw-nbVpCzchbf9a2MPIrrD70FBQ_eKgQhoE/s200/photo-5.JPG" width="148" /></a>The greatest outcome of all of this is that we officially filled out and signed the application and registration form and wrote our first (of many) checks to the adoption agency we have chosen: <a href="http://www.adoptionhelp.org/" target="_blank">The Independent Adoption Center.</a> We will attend a weekend workshop at the end of June and get this thing started. Now the real work starts - the emotional work of having our lives scrutinized on several fronts to prove that we are willing and able parents. Please keep the words of encouragement coming as I am sure it will be much needed in the months ahead. We are open to all forms of positivity: prayers, good karma, good vibes, wishful thoughts and crossed fingers. Thanks once again to everyone who supported these garage sales in any way. We can not begin to tell you what it means to us to be able to start this process and really feel like we are on our way to being parents. <br />
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As always, please keep sharing our page and our story with friends and those who might have an interest - while we've raised enough to begin this journey, we still have not reached our fundraising goals. Unfortunately, there are many more expenses to come. After we officially start in a couple of weeks, there is the small chance that everything could happen very quickly, so we want to be sure we are prepared for that possibility as well. Continue to support us by clicking on the links: Amazon gives a portion of all products purchased through our links back to us for our fund. Also, if you love coffee, check out this link as a sneak peek: <a href="https://justlovecoffee.com/about/beneficiary/AWbaby/">https://justlovecoffee.com/about/beneficiary/AWbaby/</a> (More on that later!). <br />
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And you can always make a direct donation to our go fund me account: <a href="http://www.gofundme.com/2kie64?utm_medium=wdgt">http://www.gofundme.com/2kie64?utm_medium=wdgt</a><br />
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Thank you all so much again! And we're sorry we haven't given you a blog update in awhile - the business of preparing your life for the adoption process is pretty much all consuming. Seriously, we filled out the agency application on top of a pizza box so we could multi-task squeezing in a dinner while completing the official paperwork to finally get started. I'm pretty sure the agency will see that we'll be great parents because we managed to not get one grease stain on the forms - so if forms and babies are anything alike - we'll definitely have a grease-spotless baby (and all the parents out there are laughing).<br />
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Will Pfaffenbergerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17250585066828589223noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3613555020290525202.post-1913589263869406942013-05-23T04:21:00.005-07:002013-05-29T14:32:03.706-07:00Quick Update on Garage Sale - THIS WEEKEND!!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">** Update We're having a second sale this weekend May 31, June 1 at the Parks of Prestwick, Baltustrol St. Avon**</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">J</span>ust a very quick update about our sale. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">#1 We have been inundated with donations for our garage sale. So much so that we are having to store stuff inside our living room because the garage can't handle any more tables, boxes etc. We have been setting up since Sunday, every night this week going through donations etc. Thanks so much to everyone who gave us stuff. There are still other's who are wanting to donate and we just don't have the room. I'll follow up with you ASAP. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">#2 The date has been set... It's TOMORROW!!! Friday 5/24 and Saturday 5/25 at our place. Just look for the "Adoption Fundraiser" sign on 10th St. west of 267. We couldn't find a reasonable alternative. I will also be hosting a second garage sale the following weekend 5/31 and 6/1 at another neighborhood garage sale in Prestwick in Avon (more info on that to follow).</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">#3 Please come on by our sale any time. We would love to see you, meet you and hopefully you'll find a good buy from our huge stock of stuff! </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #fff2cc;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">A few new items that we will have for sale include:</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fff2cc;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Matching Couch and oversized side chair</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fff2cc;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">2 office desks, corner desk</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fff2cc;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Stationary Bike</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fff2cc;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Bench Press</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fff2cc;">Coffee Tables</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fff2cc;">Video Games</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fff2cc;"> </span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fff2cc;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Strollers, car seats, baby swing, sippy cups, bottles, formula, toys, games, puzzles</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #fff2cc;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><b>Hundreds</b> of infant, baby, toddler, tween, junior and adult clothes for girl or boy, ladies and mens. Several formal dresses.</span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">All of these items sold last week!</span>
<strike><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">A brand new microfiber couch</span></strike><br />
<strike><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">2 full bedroom suites (one with queen mattress and box spring) </span></strike><br />
<strike><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">A toddler bed with mattress/ boxspring.</span></strike><br />
<strike><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">We should have the 1999 Chrysler Sebring on site for sale and for test drives.</span></strike><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">A lot of other furniture: <strike>Coffee tables,</strike> <strike>end tables, filing cabinet, mirrors, Patio table / chairs.</strike></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">There is even an<strike> iphone 3 </strike>in the mix somewhere. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="background-color: #fff2cc;"><span class="Apple-style-span">Oh and </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;">chotchkes</span><span class="Apple-style-span">, don't forget the </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse;">chotchkes!!</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span"><span style="background-color: #fff2cc;"> </span> </span></span><br />
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Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05395780926651626568noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3613555020290525202.post-63605781934751576192013-05-13T14:10:00.000-07:002013-06-16T12:36:24.759-07:00Let the Fundraising Begin!<span style="font-size: x-large;">P</span>hew! What a couple of weeks! Sorry there
haven't been any new blog posts lately. We have just been busy with
life. Work, planning, work, Mother's Day, work, research, etc. I felt
like it was time for an update. Please read on for awesome ways YOU can help! <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhicoEWuon7VhMHBsV2AnSuEt2ISSySvFE0aNkK6yTTIRWrKwDC4XZ5EBLWtoU8CQr4Pq4U89ecE-AzKVMIsFC3YPX79nMNm0-2ttKbF8QqqQnN3nZ5N6Pvfu3TDcj7BUsJ0B6hpoPcBNI/s1600/garage_sale.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="106" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhicoEWuon7VhMHBsV2AnSuEt2ISSySvFE0aNkK6yTTIRWrKwDC4XZ5EBLWtoU8CQr4Pq4U89ecE-AzKVMIsFC3YPX79nMNm0-2ttKbF8QqqQnN3nZ5N6Pvfu3TDcj7BUsJ0B6hpoPcBNI/s200/garage_sale.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
Will
and I have been hard at work trying to come up with some fundraising
ideas for our adoption fund. We have been gearing up for a huge garage/
yard/ rummage sale. We have 1/2 our garage full of amazing donations
from friends who have gotten donations from their friends. It has been
yet again, an amazing outpouring of support. We are so appreciative of
the support we are getting and the amazing love people are showing for
this cause. It seems to have affected everyone in some way. It is
great to have all of these donations, but we are struggling to find a
place to host it. We would love to host this event in a large public
place with good traffic flow. There are some neighborhood garage sales
we may be involved with, but it is amazing that there is no place that
will let us borrow a parking lot or unused / vacant lot for our sale...
without wanting a deposit and proof of liability insurance. Who would
have thought! So anyway, we were hoping to be able to post a date and
location for our great sale to all of our wonderful blog readers,
friends, and family - so stay tuned it will happen, but we're still
working on the logistics. We are also planning some other avenues to
sell items through <span style="background-color: white;">CafePress,</span>
as a direct "gift" for assisting with our costs. I hope to incorporate
some of my photographic work as art for sale for this cause as well.
What are some of your favorite fundraisers either to participate in or
to purchase from? How did you guys raise funds for your adoption or
other cause? Keep in mind, Will and I are not a 501c3 non-profit
corporation, donations to us are not tax deductible and therefore most
common fundraisers don't apply - large companies or organizations aren't
going to allow us to participate in their standard fundraisers because
it is just like giving money directly to a person's bank account - not
their school/ church/ business / charity etc. That kind of muddies the
water and a lot of places don't know how to deal with that request. You
can't even legally do a basic raffle without a gambling license. It's
really hard to raise money now-a-days. Not to mention - Have you seen
the economy lately? (Sorry, that's all probably a little too
pessimistic) We have been very blessed with the assistance we have
gotten so far. It is wonderful, appreciated, and amazing! Even if we
get nothing else, it will be more than we had when we started :). <br />
<br />
Make
no mistake - we are also tightening our belt around here - no summer
vacations, no major home projects, less eating out. We have been
working really hard to pay down all of our debts for the last year and
we are getting really close. <a href="http://www.daveramsey.com/" target="_blank">Dave Ramsey</a>
has some good insights on setting up a budget and systematically
getting rid of your debt in a manageable way. If you're looking for
some advice in that area, we highly recommend his books. It helped us
see things a little differently. We're not always the best pupils, but
we know we can make a dent in our finances. You can also search for a
ton of topics on his website or radio show- even for adoption savings
advice.<br />
<br />
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While on the topic of resources, I've also come across and like the advice and perspective given by the podcast and website : <a href="http://creatingafamily.org/">CreatingaFamily.org</a>.
This is a site that deals with all aspects of "creating a family".
They discuss fertility, adoption, and all of the tough decisions and
situations that may arise in between. There is also the book / website
for <a href="http://juliegumm.com/adopt-without-debt/" target="_blank">Adopting Without Debt</a>. I plan on applying for as many grants as I can find that we qualify for. Of course, there is still our <a href="http://www.gofundme.com/2kie64" target="_blank">GoFundMe</a> site as well. So many options :)<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: #fff2cc;">Finally we have added a banner add over here in the sidebar</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fff2cc;">If you are looking to purchase items from <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Best-Sellers/zgbs/ref=as_acph_cc_bestsel_on_on?_encoding=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=ur2&tag=httpadriennew-20" target="_blank">Amazon,</a>
please use the link here to access all of Amazon's items and we will
get a portion of the proceeds for "advertising for them". Just another
great tip we've learned from the <a href="http://juliegumm.com/adopt-without-debt/" target="_blank">Adopting Without Debt</a> website. </span> <br />
<br />
Anyway,
we're still here plugging along toward our ultimate goal of adopting
our son or daughter - hopefully in the near future :). <br />
<br />
<br />
<iframe frameborder="0" marginheight="0" marginwidth="0" scrolling="no" src="http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?lt1=_blank&bc1=000000&IS2=1&bg1=FFFFFF&fc1=000000&lc1=0000FF&t=httpadriennew-20&o=1&p=8&l=as4&m=amazon&f=ifr&ref=ss_til&asins=0983539820" style="height: 240px; width: 120px;"></iframe>Adriennehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05395780926651626568noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3613555020290525202.post-27790193477384639732013-04-22T18:19:00.000-07:002013-04-22T18:19:43.934-07:00A Paradigm Shift<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjznBazwFMehmwxtqCYeM2slNBQDYu6ebdnCVXMrM4gaxLog9h16cZvoq9uD9LcjnYaPNWRBvf2E-_A_ICD0NOrGwor1ylMBrxorp1oF2Fq-KdsfOhaDsUiJ9fAUHbAPjVL51MSwdqrwUQ/s1600/red+thread.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjznBazwFMehmwxtqCYeM2slNBQDYu6ebdnCVXMrM4gaxLog9h16cZvoq9uD9LcjnYaPNWRBvf2E-_A_ICD0NOrGwor1ylMBrxorp1oF2Fq-KdsfOhaDsUiJ9fAUHbAPjVL51MSwdqrwUQ/s320/red+thread.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">W</span>hile there are some very practical, logical and pragmatic issues related to adoption. I also can't help but wonder about the more emotional, intangible, and philosophical issues related to starting a family through adoption. (This is Adrienne by the way, can you tell?) I have asked myself all sorts of questions and continue to seek out new opinions on what it means to be a family. I have been comforted by quotes and ideas about adoption that fall outside of my initial and "traditional" view of family. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">When all this began -and as this moves along - I have had many, many questions. They go something like this:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Am I ready to be a parent? Why can't I get pregnant? Should I try harder to have a biological child? Is adoption giving up on having a biological child? Are we being impatient, or making a premature decision? Should we tell people? Should we ask for help? Are we ready for all of the uncertainty of the adoption process? Should we spend the money on fertility vs. adoption? Can we afford this? Will an adoptive child love me and think of him/herself as "mine"? Will I be able to love and bond with a child I did not carry and does not have my DNA? Am I ready to parent a child with a family and medical history that I can not be sure of? How will my family feel about this decision? Open adoption? How do I explain adoption to my child? Do I have to allow my child to have an ongoing relationship with their birth parents? How do I deal with the "loss" of having a child that does not look like me, like my parents, or feel a biological connection to my family tree? And on, and on, and on...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">I am gradually coming to the conclusion that it is a universal human characteristic to love, to want to belong, to share, to nurture. It is not reserved only for those who are biologically related. Will and I want to be parents, we want to share our knowledge and ideas and insights with another person. Not just another person, but a child who we can nurture and guide from infancy to be a positive, compassionate, driven, creative, responsible member of our family and society. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">There is a paradigm shift occurring in me that I did not expect which is really broadening my view of family, parenting, relationships, and what it means to guide another person through this thing called life. I am realizing that a lot of the questions or hesitations I have are not specific to adoptive families, but to all families, or interpersonal relationships. My biological child could just as easily have a physical or emotional impairment. There are many difficult topics I will have to breach with my child, and adoption is just another one of them, such as: sharing, rules, bullying, death, sex, college, career, heartbreak, love etc. I could come across financial hardship in any number of other ways. I think I will always wonder what a child who is half me and half Will would look or inherently act like, but I have to believe that nurture is at least as strong as nature in most regards. I have to believe that our influence as parents will be received and that Will and I will see ourselves reflected back to us in the life and character of our child rather than the color of their hair or shape of their nose. I suppose only time will tell, but I know we are going into this with the right mindset. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Below are some images and quotes that have helped expand my view of Adoption, Family, and Parenthood.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">~Adrienne</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br /></span>
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<br />Will Pfaffenbergerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17250585066828589223noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3613555020290525202.post-6675901733443156782013-04-17T15:36:00.001-07:002013-04-17T16:03:22.623-07:00So, Now What? (Our findings)<span style="font-size: x-large;">F</span>irst, we would like to genuinely thank all of you for the outpouring of support, love, insight, and just simple positive excitement for us since we made our pursuit of adoption public over the weekend! It is amazing the reach Facebook and word of mouth can have sometimes! We feel truly fortunate to be surrounded by and a part of this incredibly cool circle of people. Little did we know when we put this out into world how many (so very many) valuable adoption resources we would find so quickly in our friends, families, colleagues, acquaintances, friends of friends, and kind people who we have now interacted with for the very first time. We knew you were all great, of course, but thank you so much for YOUR personal adoption stories, contacts to other couples who have gone through or who are also going through this process, links to blogs, willingness to share direct contacts at various adoption organizations, phone calls and emails with advice, and even an unexpected/unsolicited donation to our <a href="http://www.gofundme.com/2kie64" target="_blank">"GoFundMe</a>" adoption account (We'll get to that). The point is this: keep sharing EVERYTHING with us. No piece of positive or helpful information, perspective, contact, or advice you have will go unnoticed, unconsidered, or unused. We will eat that up because we really love a lot of info. It is a little sick how informed we like to be, but ultimately this helps us make the best decisions possible as we take the next steps forward.<br />
<br />
So steps: Uh-huh, now what? Well, you might have guessed that we did some research about how this adoption thing all works - where to go from here. We've certainly arrived at a couple of conclusions about the desire to adopt: A. Deciding the right next step is hard. B. It is really expensive. As in - would you like to purchase a yaht OR adopt a baby kind of expensive (exaggerated for illustrative purposes - adopting is only like buying 1/4th of a yaht). Right now, as we understand it, couples looking to adopt have essentially 4 paths:<br />
<br />
1. Join an adoption agency.<br />
2. Hire an adoption lawyer. <br />
3. Find your own birthmother, then find a lawyer.<br />
4. Become foster parents or adopt out of the foster care system.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfpwWIaozuTQQ5_TgSdcQl2jfldC_30QNVkwJs4jUdfn8oTOFpTtvW97SJFxfqRjI7o9cFU3TfLu1OEnT3Tclg4Ky7UpEAPsfM77Vg_Ofwgmcb-KvBKhRpqxyNbE36hXbU4v0iPmT6aiI/s1600/2013-04-16_001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfpwWIaozuTQQ5_TgSdcQl2jfldC_30QNVkwJs4jUdfn8oTOFpTtvW97SJFxfqRjI7o9cFU3TfLu1OEnT3Tclg4Ky7UpEAPsfM77Vg_Ofwgmcb-KvBKhRpqxyNbE36hXbU4v0iPmT6aiI/s400/2013-04-16_001.jpg" width="400" /></a>Paths 1 and 2 are essentially the same service for very nearly the same amount of money. Roughly $25,000-$30,000 - and that's if you stay in the USA. For that money, they guide you every step of the way - from finding birthmothers to read your "Dear Birthmother Letter," to navigating each state's specific adoption laws, to mediating terms and communication with birthmothers, to counseling.<br />
<br />
Now, the third option is to find your own birthmother. So instead of an agency or lawyer, we would do all the marketing and networking OR just be lucky enough to find an expectant mother who wanted to find an adoptive home for their child. While this significantly reduces the overall expense of adoption, our understanding is that trying to find a birthmother on your own and then successfully navigating the delicate communication to establish the terms of your relationship can be tricky. (It can and has been done though. One of our friends, by happenstance, found and connected with a birthmother through a professional acquaintance without going through an agency or lawyer. They only brought in an adoption lawyer to guide them through the final legal process at the end.)<br />
<br />
So, in the end, there are always going to be fixed legal costs to finalizing any adoption (obviously). <br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXpxAcWKX4XXcMblZ9ysBb0jCF8RP0lre8hO04TMZdf-Luy8Lv9IoKp6VJFIu8ysg4LiyA6xVBbI4J1IzVohm8CVbUFLG87fV5boU_moUuvXvb1GHLfw0Yw8ltftYAUYhynNxBIhdKtNw/s1600/2013-04-16_002.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXpxAcWKX4XXcMblZ9ysBb0jCF8RP0lre8hO04TMZdf-Luy8Lv9IoKp6VJFIu8ysg4LiyA6xVBbI4J1IzVohm8CVbUFLG87fV5boU_moUuvXvb1GHLfw0Yw8ltftYAUYhynNxBIhdKtNw/s400/2013-04-16_002.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
We are diligent stewards of our finances and we really hate using credit or relying on debt to accomplish our goals. Thanks Dave Ramsey. Adoption, for us, is no exception. We do not think it is wise for us to get a loan against our house, borrow money, or use a credit card when we can raise the funds we need to do this with a little tightening of our budget, creativity, and extra effort. The high mark from what we've seen so far is around $30,000, which is A LOT of money. It is an amount that, let's just say, gave us some serious pause (aka anxiety attacks). But, at the same time, it isn't an impossible goal with time and focus.<br />
<br />
Right now, before commiting to one specific adoption path, we are asking ourselves, "Could we use a creative combination of these paths to reduce the final cost of adoption?" Maybe we can find a birthmother through our own networking efforts and then only use the mentorship and resources of an agency or lawyer to help us navigate the trickier parts. Another one of our friends who adopted recently said that should she try to adopt again, she would try to do more of the work on her own that she paid an agency to do for her. The two of us have never been afraid to do the extra work for something we were passionate about! <br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRDaEy9-K7K0eJllcNDRSNMua9z506A1qiB95vUbOyJo8Cw7kXLsTKwvda396DhAGZ70H2BA-lA4c2urY2ZUWMGcYAYyqC_tQh6OUJ43b74KFtXUImgMwAAb0wZ7k-cJjejnRznv2BwSE/s1600/stork.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRDaEy9-K7K0eJllcNDRSNMua9z506A1qiB95vUbOyJo8Cw7kXLsTKwvda396DhAGZ70H2BA-lA4c2urY2ZUWMGcYAYyqC_tQh6OUJ43b74KFtXUImgMwAAb0wZ7k-cJjejnRznv2BwSE/s320/stork.jpg" width="320" /></a>As we figure out how we fund this adventure, we are leaving no options off the table: garage sales, t-shirts, selling a car, comedy shows, extra photography, and anything else we can do to responsibly raise this kind of money. NOW - I mentioned our GoFundMe account earlier - you can see a link/widget to this on the upper right side of the blog. This is a crowd-sourcing service. Crowd sourcing is this new age concept (not really) of asking a large mass of supporters (usually through digital/social-networking means) to individually contribute a small amount in order to raise a large amount of money. It is like that Kickstarter service for artists, only instead of raising money to make a bizarre avant garde record, you raise money to assist with the expenses of adoption. We read that a lot of couples have been successful using this service, so we created our account as an additional resource. We did the math, ok? If we can get 30,000 of our closest friends to put $1 in there, we'll be set - LOL, we may need to borrow some of your friends! Seriously though, if you feel moved to be a part of our "sourcing crowd," any amount you offer will be humbly and graciously appreciated. Thanks in advance for becoming our giant flock of storks :)<br />
<br />
<br />
Now, we are off to make a list of who to call and talk to next! So many of you came out of the woodwork (By the way, what comes out of the woodwork? Bugs? Sorry, if we're calling you bugs right now. We mean "bugs" in the most respectful way possible) that we have a ton of new info to collect. Can't wait hear more stories!<br />
<br />
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<a href="http://www.gofundme.com/2kie64" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" target="_blank"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEji09hPhJrfbMtZ0Hyg2AyJGCOuUZ-TH06VKC5BDUs0feJ03qMH0XCh5ur0rHSH45Z7LRS9kq0lPg9tUaex5KYMuTCA5x6_nhfvg7B4uNQpWNvt4wFcoThikPAkvn6Hdu8jys8jgCsmnDs/s320/2kie643112.jpg" width="253" /></a></div>
Will Pfaffenbergerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17250585066828589223noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3613555020290525202.post-43553943688499717172013-04-13T12:09:00.000-07:002013-04-13T12:09:25.623-07:00Adoption, Here We Go!<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMeVH-CDtwkl40d3nmmAIaTo__Pk2ATm-Jt0Qu3eTS20QJaacDyLxC1Ev8QarwEE50RFqC1eQWqxAOMHYNz4I4nA3QI1uewvM4gHpkEm95T3-tLsbvV4twzQ_oUjcNHwsGTNE_ZvSDBBY/s1600/IMG_9002.1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMeVH-CDtwkl40d3nmmAIaTo__Pk2ATm-Jt0Qu3eTS20QJaacDyLxC1Ev8QarwEE50RFqC1eQWqxAOMHYNz4I4nA3QI1uewvM4gHpkEm95T3-tLsbvV4twzQ_oUjcNHwsGTNE_ZvSDBBY/s320/IMG_9002.1.jpg" width="320" /></span></a><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">T</span></span><span style="font-size: 16px; text-align: left;">hanks for visiting our Adoption Blog. We can't wait to become parents, and after much thought and consideration, have decided that adoption is the right way for us to start our family! This blog is our home base to share our story and keep our friends, family, and supporters updated along the way. We know this process will be challenging and uncertain at times, but ultimately joyful. We hope that by sharing our story, we can be a source of encouragement as others have lovingly supported and encouraged us. We can't wait for the day that we write our final post about how all of you helped us grow our family!</span></span><br />
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<b style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: left;">From Adrienne:</b><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 16px;">I have always been open to the idea of adoption, even when I was younger, not married and not ready for a family. I always thought it would be a nice way to add to a family and give wonderful opportunities to a child who might not otherwise have them. I never thought it might be my</span><i style="background-color: white; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 16px;"> only </i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 16px;">way to have a family. Who knows, maybe my body and my hormones will straighten themselves out in the future, but for now, we are ready to move on. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Will and I have been struggling with trying to get pregnant actively for over a year, and technically forever. We have never avoided getting pregnant, so now, almost 7 years into our marriage, clearly, we have been unsuccessful. It has been almost a year exactly since we got some of the best and some of the worst news we could get all in the same week. I got a positive pregnancy test at the end of May 2012, and by the first week of June I had lost the baby as a result of an ectopic pregnancy. It sucked, totally sucked, not only was I losing this baby I had barely had time to process was there, but I had to actively take medicine to end the pregnancy so that my life was not in danger. I know miscarriages are rather common, but it was definitely dramatic for me. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">You grow up thinking that if you do the right things, make the right choices, that you will reap the rewards. I feel like I have done that, made responsible choices and am actively choosing to start my family at a time in my life that I am ready and able to provide. I have come to learn through all of this, that I am not in control of whether or not I am able to get pregnant. But through adoption, I feel like I have a little more control in becoming a parent. I am excited and anxious to see where this decision takes us, and I know that Will is the best partner, husband, and hopeful father to have through all of this. There is a quote that says, <i>“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”</i> The potential in that statement is profound and exciting. I know we are ready to be parents, and just like all hopeful parents, are just waiting for the day that we get to meet our little boy or girl.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-4WYzzWW04yx55Ass4qM8OYt_G3NlYFUcZiibifiFNZv_ql3h2Rd6QP-AxaXdxXqCIOxWfxB-l2NfGvjpZFatSamAQWsNo4Prh0GQUp_plj45759IyXip38N0OUTJkj-8E8CBt7lR5Kw/s1600/quote-joseph-campbell.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="126" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-4WYzzWW04yx55Ass4qM8OYt_G3NlYFUcZiibifiFNZv_ql3h2Rd6QP-AxaXdxXqCIOxWfxB-l2NfGvjpZFatSamAQWsNo4Prh0GQUp_plj45759IyXip38N0OUTJkj-8E8CBt7lR5Kw/s400/quote-joseph-campbell.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<b style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: left;">From Will:</b><span style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: left;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: left;">If you know me well, and you probably do if you're here for our first post (I'm pretty sure strangers aren't anxiously googling "Did Will Pfaffenberger start an adoption blog today?") then you probably know that I am a less-than-serious, ok, outright, ridiculously goofy silly person. I live my life laughing at everything along the way - the absurd, the awkward, the sacred, and the obscene! Yes, I react to most things with humor, and certainly everything in life has a laugh it in somewhere for me. AND, because I do this in very public forums - on the radio and on stage - Adrienne who is genuinely sincere, sweet, polite, quiet, thoughtful, generous and always doing the kind and appropriate thing for all occasions, will often be asked, "What's it like living with Will? How do you do it?" </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: left;">She's awesome, that's how! (That's true, but she could probably write an entire separate blog with the real answers to "How I deal with Will: Coping Mechanisms For Your Absurd Husband.") But here's MY real answer: she and I are a lot more alike than you know. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: left;">We are pragmatic planners. Yes, I confess. All of my outward spontaneity and silliness is, what I believe to be, a luxury afforded me by my drive to have a plan, set goals, and feel confident and comforted when I work toward those things, achieve them, check them off my list, and know that what I have built is there to support me and my family. Adrienne and I have built a life together on setting and meeting our professional, personal, and relationship goals. We somehow grew up learning how to objectively deconstruct, analyze, and evaluate all this life stuff - maybe to a very nerdy fault. People sometimes ask if we ever have fights, and we do, but to you they'd look more like contract negotiations or debates supported with thesis statements, rational arguments, data points, and a compromised resolution (It's actually not that nerdy, but you get it.). We make a great team in this way and our mentality to thoroughly investigate every major decision we've ever made has worked very well for us. Together, we have put many of the pieces in place that we have always dreamed of having as adults. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: left;">Ok, I've read 3ish paragraphs - talk about babies! While we have never prevented the possibility of having children, we always wanted to be in what we believed was the most optimal life circumstance to be the best parents possible. We are now confidently in a place where we are ready to be great parents! That's the cool part. Unfortunately, our very pragmatic plan to allow biology to take its natural course - certainly it would after 7 years of marriage, right? - did not play out the way we expected it to. And not even some intervention from this medicine-science did the trick. This obstacle, however, has not diminished our resolve to be great parents and start a family. Adrienne and I are very excited to begin this adventure of adoption, and we feel very lucky and blessed to have all of you here to help us along the way! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16px; text-align: left;"> </span>Will Pfaffenbergerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17250585066828589223noreply@blogger.com3